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Latest Smash & Grab Targets Don Wienauer's Gay Apparel

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Homophobic Flash Mob Accused Of Hate CrimeMore than 40 hooligans disguised as antifa Proud Boys stormed a high-end clothing store in North Portland last night, looting handbags, jewelry, shoes, thongs, toiletries, & opera gloves, as general mayhem continued to spread across our nation of miserable...

AntiVaxPAC To Hold Mar A Lago SprayAThon

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Turdwaffle Bemoans Vaccines Undoing America’s GreatnessThe hits keep coming to my Nazi junk e-mail boxes:

Turdwaffle To Self-Publish Memoir With Campaign Funds

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Save America & You Save Yourselves Says Former Failed FührerFollowing reports that former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & alleged Russian peepeeholic Donald J. Turdwaffle has thus far refused to entertain any offers for his presidential memoir without an advance “at least a couple of grand...

Aaron Rodgers Has Broken Pinky Toe

Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Star Shows Off Foot Over Zoom Saying See No Camel ToeProving yet again something or other not clearly articulated, Green Bay QB Aaron Rogers spent several minutes today talking about his foot, trying to counter increasing showes of disinofrmation sweeping across the barren tundra which “presumes to...

Rittenhouse Vows To Protect Kenosha When Acquitted

Thursday, November 18, 2021

Judge Ricky Schroeder Passes Note To JuryAn authorized spokesperson for Kylie Rittenhouse, the AR15 wielding white teen avenger on trial for killing two protestors & wounding a third, told a gaggle of  free-press reporters assigned the news & entertainment ephemeral services sector that Rittenhouse...

Fuck That Kid

Thursday, November 11, 2021

Twitter Overwhelmingly Agrees With Dave Bautista On This On#FuckThatKid

Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn Calls On Christian Soldiers

Sunday, November 7, 2021

We Must Not Allow The Heathen To Rage! Says Helms On Wheels, Jr.In one of his first official pronouncements following his induction into the House Freedumbocracy Caucus as Kookie Rookie of the Year, freshman insurrectionist Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) told a soup of slathering professional...

Turdwaffle Threatens To Block COVID Vaccine For Kids

Monday, November 1, 2021

Pivots From claiming Executive Privilege To Issuing Executive OrdersOutraged that president Biden is refusing to support his claim that even twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirators are guaranteed by the Constitution to have executive privilege in perpetuity, America’s favorite former First Idiot,...

How About We Cancel English Grammar Altogether

Friday, October 29, 2021

To Make The World Safe For Everyone’s Favorite Pronouns?I’m pretty tired of this proudly uneducated woke world The Reagan Legacy’s supply-side plantation economy has left us, where some fey righteous asshole feels it has the right to demand I acknowledge its political fantasy.
I’m always reminded...

Mitt The Shit Romney Opposes Taxing The Uber Rich

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Billionaires Are People Too, Just Like Corporations“America was built on slavery & genocide, not socialism,” America’s 2nd favorite Mormon white guy told fake media celebrities. “We’ll never make America great again by forcing the plantation owners to pay for the privilege of job creating. There will...

At The Rate The Stupid Are Killing Themselves With COVID

Thursday, October 21, 2021

Our Nation Of Miserable Fucks May Endure!I’m still telling you I told you so like I did way back during the bicentennial, which did not involve a shit pile of non-binary people demanding equal rights in our freedumbocracy, although I have been adamant in attesting that reality is not binary & never...

Let's Lift A Vial Of Anthrax In Honor Of Colon Bowel

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Maybe It Will Make Us Shit All Over Donald J. Turdwaffle’s PartyShould I release an official statement from the office of @DoctorFaustroll, your favorite temporarily suspended twit of the Untied States of Hysteria?

Missouri Vows To Prosecute Journalist Who Found Security Flaw In State Website

Thursday, October 14, 2021

A Clear Violation Of Our Terms Of ServiceA journalist with the  St. Louis Post-Dispatch discovered a security issue on a website maintained by the Missouri Department of Elementary and Secondary Education (DESE). By conducting a search & then reading the HTML source code for the returned records, anyone...

Turdwaffle Blasts Wokism For Columbo Day Name Change

Monday, October 11, 2021

They’re Canceling Our Great Italian Family Heritage“In 1492,” Turdwaffle shouted at his rally for Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn in Lickskillet, NC, “Colombo sailed the ocean blue, and that’s why we celebrate Colombo Day, which was made into a great TV program, not as good as The Apprentice, but it...

#TrumpIsBroke

Friday, October 8, 2021

He’s A Loser & He’s Just What He Appears To BeHe’s a loser & he gets off by drinking pee.

Ted Cruz Blames School Shooting & Looming Debt Limit"" On Biden Border Policy

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

“We Need To Reinstate A Real President,” Cancun Cruz Tells Press WhoresAmerica’s favorite feckless fuck-up, Sen. Ted “Cancun” Cruz (R-Word, TX) held a press conference this morning to blame America’s epidemic of school shootings & random gun violence on Joe Biden’s “failure to secure our borders,”...

Marjoe Faylour Greene Asks Media Why God Has Forsaken Her

Monday, October 4, 2021

Claims Dems Are Rigging Her Life & Ruining The Lives Of Some Very Fine PeopleDays after attempting to introduce a House Bill legalizing concealed carry for fetuses more than 6 weeks old, Georgia’s favorite farmer’s daughter got into a shouting match with a deaf mute Forever Wveteran panhandling in...

Rep. Banks Questions January 6 Commission's Decision To "Spy" On House Republicans

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

The Founding Fathers Would Never Allow This!To prove something or other, Indiana Representative Jim Banks objected to even the idea of subpoenas for phone records of House Repugnicunts because it “would depart from more than 230 years of Congressional oversight, especially wiretaps. Looking at our...

Repugnicunts Outraged To Discover Antifa Owns Stock In Merck

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Makers of IvermectinEmmett Grogan, founder of The Diggers and reported vice-president of Antifa, told a packed hearing this morning that his group has made billions on the recent surge of ivermectin use among very fine unvaccinated people on former twice-impeached & undicted co-conspirator Donald J....

Old Mitch McDonald Tells Dems Not To Play Russian Roulette With Economy

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Why Risk The Great Tax Cuts The Russians Gave Us?Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY-Jelly) told reporters at a press gaggle and impromptu circle-jerk on Wednesday that America has already used all the help & good will it needed from the Russians in 2017, when they helped produce the greatest supply-side...