Caitlin Jenner Cries Foul On California Recall Results

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Olympic Medalist Cites Polling She Claims Showed Her With 5 Point Lead Over ElderCaitlin Jenner, the Olympic medalist formerly known as Bruce, did more than complain as results of California’s gubernatorial recall election trickled in, showing her with less than .6% of the total votes cast. She accused...

Turdwaffle To Visit 9/11 Memorial In Search Of Photo Op

Saturday, September 11, 2021

“To Honor Our Great Sacrifice At Ground Zero,” America’s Favorite Führer Tells Fox NewsExpressing frustration at how long the reinstatement process is taking, former twice-impeached co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle plans to visit the NYC 9/11 Memorial Museum at Ground Zero this morning to call attention...

Hundreds Of American Mercenaries Were Left Behind

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Fox News Argues Their Alleged Presence Is Protected By NDAsIf it ends up that the remaining Americans and allies left behind in Afghanistan when the last American troops were withdrawn are all mercenaries with most employed by Academi, the private Repugnicunt army formerly known as Blackwater and Xe...

Millions About To Lose Unemployment Benefits

Monday, September 6, 2021

NRA Reports Shortage Off High-Capacity Magazines & Armor-Piercing AmmoIt looks like America’s Second Amendment may finally come in handy after all.

Two Hundred Returning Troops From Afghanistan Flagged For Possible Terror Ties

Sunday, September 5, 2021

Two Of The Flagged Americans Are Wanted For Roles In January 6th InsurrectionAt least 200 American troops who participated in protecting the peace deal Donald J. Turdwaffle signed with the Taliban in 2020 have been flagged for alleged ties to white nationalist terrorist groups, including the Proud...

#FloridaMan Gov RegeneRon DeSantis Invests In Santisary Napkin Company

Friday, August 27, 2021

Another Day In ParadisePMS has learned that embattled Repugnicunt governor & Turdwaffle impersonator, Ronald RegeneRon DeSantis, was recently granted trademark protection for DeSantis’s Sop ‘Em Ups. For When You’ve Already Got Your Hands Full.
They allegedly insert themselves.

Blue States Begin Rationing Oxygen

Thursday, August 26, 2021

Unvaccinated Are Last In LineIn terms even a fan of America’s alleged favorite pastime can understand: “Three strikes & you’re out.” 
Beginning September 1, patients must show proof of vaccination before being admitted to ERs or ICUs in all the blue states & most of the red states that accept...

GOP Blasts Dems & Antifa For Hoarding All The Safe Vaccine

Sunday, August 22, 2021

“They’re Killing The Uneducated!” Texas Repugnicunt ClaimsAs COVID sweeps through the shithole states, the GOP is raising alarms that downplaying the threat posed by the deadly Kung Flu over the past year & a half has greatly reduced their deplorable base. This realization has forced the party to pivot...

The Dog Whistler's Mother

Thursday, August 19, 2021

A Brand New Category For InterWeb Cave PaintingsI just discovered this posted outside the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Laundromat’s day care center, captioned: “The Dog Whistler’s Mother.”

There is so much drawing going on these days on the walls of the sub-sub-basements...

John Oliver Bitch-Slaps Holden "Helms On Wheels 2" Cawthorn

Monday, August 16, 2021

Slaver Descendent Loses Rest Of Sad Little Nut Sack To Limey Comic
Need I say more?

Oregon Governor Agrees Kids Don't Need No Education

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Kate Brown Scraps Need To Prove You Can Read, Write, Or Do Arithmetic, Points To ElectorateBowing to pressure from the state’s boisterously vocal Pink Floyd lobbyists, Oregon’s Democrat Gov. Brown signed a bill into law in July that suspends the state’s essential skills graduation requirement for three...

Don't Forget To Collect All Four Offecal Trump Cards

Friday, August 6, 2021

“I’m Proud I’m Deplorable” Sticker Sold SeparatelyFormer twice-impeached, unindicted co-conspirator, & world class pussy-grabber President Donald J. Turdwaffle is so desperate to delay his cash flow problem until he is reinstated later this month that he contracted with some Tik Tok Teens to help him...

Jihadists Just GETTR Done

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Fat Former Guy Gets Punked AgainNow it can be told: Donald J. Turdwaffle is no king of all media, after all.
His Cabinet buddies launched GETTR to keep the blithering bloviator from grabbing more random pussy on camera, after his failed “From The Disk Of Precedent Thump” web site was taken down...

Turdwaffle Denies Freedom Phone Connection

Saturday, July 31, 2021

“Freedom’s Just Another Word For Nothing Left To Lose,” Twice-Impeached Loser Tells Athletic SupportersDuring a recent speech to supporters at his Bedford New Jersey Golf Resort & Bordello, former president & unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle denied involvement in his attempt to overturn...

Moron McCarthy Takes Another One For The Gypper

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

The Unmasked Of The Red State Death!House Minority Ruler Kevin “The Dummy” McCarthy doubled-down on his alternative pro-life position today by opposing the new mask mandate imposed by Speaker Pelosi to slow the spread of the deadly Delta variant, shouting: “Give me liberty or ventilation!”

Antifa Encourages Nimrods To Refuse Vaccine

Saturday, July 24, 2021

“Stick It To The Man!” Queen Antifa Shouts At Portland RiotA crowd of unruly antifa protestors marched through downtown Portland this afternoon daring alt-right counterprotestors to refuse the COVID-19 vaccination to prove their loyalty to Ronald Reaganism.
Several participants carried signs emblazoned...

Holden Cawthorn Calls Big Tony Fauci A Punk

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Helms-On-Wheels, Jr. Accuses Doctor Of Being Glory HoundFollowing a testy exchange between Senator Rand Paul of KY-Jellyroll Gumdrop & CDC Allergy & Infectious Diseases Director Anthony “Quinn The Eskimo” Fauci, freshman NC Tarheel Representative Holden Cawthorn took to whining to the right-wing media:...

Megyn Kelly's Period-Based Business Model

Monday, July 19, 2021

“Ben Shapiro’s Got Nothing On Me,” America First & Foremost Pod Person ClaimsIn her never-ending quest to incite America’s #FamilyValues base to irrational acts, a concept formerly known as its heavy dirty soul, former Fox & NBC shill & one , Megyn Kelly today got into a Twitter fued with Naomi Osaka...

Republicans Threaten To Sue Climate For Costs of Change

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

“The NRA Owns Broadcast Rights To All US Mass Casualty Events Through The 2024-25 Fire Season” Repugnicunts Argue In Court FilingClaiming that climate catastrophists are diminishing the value of their brand, the GOP & NRA joined forces today to accuse the mainstream media of trademark dilution by calling...

What Good Is A Planet If I Ain't Got A Job?

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Another Existential Trick Question For The Reagan LegacyShould I hold out for sea level rise to reach my current location here in Idiotville or move to the beach while such things still exist?