This Guy Couldn’t Organize An Insurrection In A Wet Paper Bag

Former Vice President Dick Cheney posted an ad for his daughter Elezbian calling former twice-impeached uninidicted co-conspirator and only Nazi ever elected to the highest office in our nation of miserable fucks, Donaldo Grabito Pussolini, “a fucking loser scumbag coward who will never be caught tanning his testicles in the White House again  as long as my daughter has anything to say about.”

Cheney, who knows a thing or two about being a dick, having helped plunge the world headlong into its ongoing global extinction event by siding with the annihilists over the Green New Dealers, last died on an operating table on March 24, 2012 when he underwent a seven-hour heart transplant procedure at the Mohammed bin Salman Heart Institute at Mar a Lago, where he had several plant-based artificial hearts removed and replaced by a laboratory grown heart cloned from TV personality Mr. Ed.

In recent years, Cheney’s reputation as a badass authoritarian has been eclipsed by ordinary uneducated rank and file Repugnicunt voters who have increasingly called on the GOP to put an end to majority rule, which has allowed liberals and progressives to run roughshod over a nation of miserable fucks built on Manifest Destiny, casual genocide, supply-side plantation economics, and Christian determinism.

“Today’s moderates,” said a former close ally of Cheney, “would have succeeded where Adolph Hitler failed.”

We were unable to ask the Big Dick why he is no longer talking softly because we hate everyone in Wyoming, except for Walt Longmire.