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OpenQuoteMark

He’s the best of course of all the worst

Some wrong’s been done, he done it first.

Frank Zappa,

“The Torture Never Stops"

Dems Tell Repugs To Be Thankful They're Only Taxing The Rich

Thursday, September 16, 2021

We Could Be Demanding To Eat The Rich, Says Deep State StrategistAs Democrats in office finally begin responding to their voters’ demand to dismantle 40 years of the Reagan legacy of a supply-side plantation-economy, enforced by a heavily-armed paramilitary community police state, Repugnicunts are...

Liberals Push To Change Flag Day To Honor LGBTQs

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Offer Cost Efficient Solution To Creating New Queer HolidayIn a move some MAGA supporters consider a slight to the legacy of their hero, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle, Queen Antifa (Liberal, America) has introduced legislation calling for an end to Flag Day,...

Richard Spencer's Hometown Changes Name To Gefiltefish

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Niggardly Nazi’s Dreams Of An Eternally White Christmas ShatteredBack in 2016, Richard Spencer seemed was rising star in Repugnicunt circles, touted by some as the next Ronald Reagan, rallying his fellow racist scumbags to his National Policy Institute, where he gave incendiary speeches trying to foment...

Ivermectin Overdose Patients Outnumber Accidental Gunshot Victims In Shit-Hole States

Saturday, September 4, 2021

This Is A Clear & Present Danger To Our Second Amendment RightsDoctors throughout regions of the U.S. predominantly populated by the uneducated and overtly religious are pleading with Turdwaffle supporters to stop taking ivermectin, a horse dewormer that has been flying off farm supply store shelves...

Florida Man Charged With Trying To Extort Florida Man

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Matt Gaetz Denies Ever Meeting His WifePun intended.

Ashli Boebert's Family Wants Congressional Medal Of Honor

Friday, August 27, 2021

“She Was An American Heroin,” Neighbors Tell Dissociative PressAshli Boebert, no relation to her sister from Colorado, congressturd Lorena, was shot & killed on January 6th while attempting to find and lynch members of Congress who were voting against America’s greatest presidential candidate since...

Mike Lindell To Sue Antifa For Cyber Symposium Sabotage

Saturday, August 21, 2021

“Antifa Attacked Me In The Elevator!” Mike Lindell Tells Personal Reporters
Sporting a half inch bruise on his chest, allegedly sustained when he was bludgeoned by swarm of index fingers of antifa terrorists disguised as an Eagle Scouts eating Girl Scout cookies, My Pillow CEO Mikey “He’ll Eat...

Taliban To Host Turdwaffle Reinstatement In Kabul On September 11, 2021

Tuesday, August 17, 2021

“It’s The Least I Can Do,” Says Abdul Ghani BaradarThe Taliban wasted no time Tuesday thanking President Trump & US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo for brokering last year’s peace agreement that saw the US release more than 5,000 imprisoned fighters in exchange for “not doing anything that would jeopardize...

Turdwaffle Incites Alt-White Supporters To Hunt Down Capitol Cop

Thursday, August 12, 2021

“Avenge Ashli Bobbitt!” Obese Former First Nazi ShoutsNot content with inciting one insurrection on his way to a well-deserved jail sentence or public stay in stocks, unindicted co-conspirator & all-around white-supremacist scumbag Donald J. Turdwaffle on Wednesday called on his well-armed uneducated...

I'm Old Enough To Remember When Our Free Press

Saturday, August 7, 2021

Had A Commitment To Something Other Than The Supply-Side Bottom LineNow they just whine & beg for money, like everyone else in the four estates that own our nation of miserable fucks. This is an article only available to subscribers of The Oregonadian, Oregasm’s paper of record. They seem to be complaining...

Trump To Pardon January 6th "Peaceful Loving Protestors"

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

"If It’s The First Thing I Do,” President In Exile PromisesWith his reinstatement as president less than 10 days away, Coup Master & all-around son of a bitch Donald J. Turdwaffle has been meeting with his shadow cabinet members and top secret joints chiefs of staff on how best to maintain order while correcting...

Turdwaffle Throws Self Under The Bus

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

“I’ve Never Heard Of The Guy,” Says Former GuyAttempting to further distance himself from his failed January 6th insurrection, Donald J. Trump went on Fox News today to call reports about his speech at the “Stop The Steal Rally” urging his supporters to liberate the Capitol from liberal socialist congresswomen...

Repugnicunts Dare Scientists To Prove Them Wrong

Monday, August 2, 2021

“We Know Our Known Knowns,” Unnamed Nimrods DeclareAccording to a newly released report from the House Repugnicunt Alternative Certitude Committee, COVID-19 was leaked by the Chinese Communist Party on September 11, 2019, the 18th anniversary of one of the worst attacks on American Democracy since...

Someone Made Like A Three-Legged Tool

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Olympic Gold!Please tell me Clare Balding is not her real name. 

The only thing that could have made this better is if the swimmers name was John Thomas, although Matt Richards will do in a pinch.
I kept expecting someone to shout: “Would you like to see it up close in slow motion?”

In Death As In Life

Friday, July 23, 2021

Gerald R. Ford Continues Tripping Over His SchwantzFormer President Gerald R. Ford is perhaps best known for mentoring Chevy Chase in stand-up & fall over tragicomedy. Born of necessity & nurtured on the sweet authoritarian paps of Richard Mildude Nixon, Ford was the kind of mistake no God would make...

Dunkin Donuts Is Laughing Behind Our Backs

Monday, July 19, 2021

Are We The Flukes Of A Nudibranch?There is a really interesting article at livescience that goes well with DD coffee loaded with cream & sugar.Here’s something to listen to while you read it.

Game Called On Account Of Sporadic Gunfire

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Cancellation Comes After Two Hour Reload DelayCalling the situation “a travesty,” last night’s game between the Wampee Fallen Warriors & the Honea Path Murder Hornets was cancelled by league officials, following a day of prolonged skirmishes between passionate fans angered by the officiating. “Our...

Ways This Pataphysical Web Site Is Way Better Than Twitter

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

The World Needs More Anti-Social Pro-Socialist Media
I break the rules here even before I make them.
I get as much engagement as on Twitter without getting constantly shadow-banned.
I can correct typos, if I feel like it, even if I find them weeks from now.
I don’t get DMs from...

US Bureau Of Mimes Shutters Intern Program

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Another Casualty Of The #MeToo MovementAlthough some are blaming the demise of the mime intern program on improper branding identity politics efforts & the inappropriate use of memes to promote retarded mimes, Bureau of Mimes spokesman, John Wayne Bo Gacy, insists that “uppity women are to blame. They...

Fox News AntiFaxxers Tilt At Whirling Durbin Windbag

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Carlson Goes Down Ingraham’s Cracker SnapperAs the Delta variant of the Democrat coronavirus hoax lays seige to the nimrod states, Democrats are calling for renewed efforts to vaccinate “even the Nazis” in a seemingly hopeless effort to keep America’s gross corpse national product to a manageable level,...