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Pirate Dan Crenshaw tells 10-Year-Old To Walk The Plank

Jan 18, 2022

No One Questions The Religion Of A War Hero, Says Schmuck Idolator

In Houston for a Teabagger Convention on Monday, Rep Pirate Dan Crenshaw (R-Word, TX) took time from whatever he does for a living to scold a 10-year-old girl who asked him why he suggested Jesus was not a real hero, like Superman, during a recent podcast interview on the ONAN Nighilisty News.

“Listen you little bitch,” the Congressprick began, “Don’t you ever ask me a hard question again. I am not allowed to answer hard questions. It’s in my contract.

“You can’t talk to a kid like that!” shouted embattled Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Word, FL).

“I’ll talk to this precious whippersnapper anyway I want, Matt. I don’t tell you how to manage your girls, do I? No one questions my faith, not even God. That’s just how I roll, Matt. It’s how I got this eyepatch! You guys can ask questions about all of these things and I will answer them. But don’t you ever question my faith.”

“I can question your faith if this is what you said,” the unidentified uppity pre-teen female insisted.

“Enough!” Pirate Dan shouted,  shaking an oddly tumescent finger at the tiny girl: “That’s complete bullshit & you know it, you little bitch! Read me that quote again. No, don’t. Nowhere in that quote am I saying Jesus is not real, or Superman for that matter. That’s a ridiculous statement! Of course, Jesus is the son of God, and Superman comes from an entirely different planet, but if God is real, then Jesus is real. That’s my final answer. Don’t you have homework to do?


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