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I am about to randomly select a piece from the archives. It may be funny. It may be silly. It can never be profound. It will undoubtedly be without redeeming social value. The only constraint in choosing this item is it was located in a folder labeled: “Today.com.” As it turns out, this was the first post I made following Obama’s inauguration. Life is so fucking predictable.
Obamination: Republicrats Vow Fight Against Open Season on the Rich
Published by drfaustroll under Invective, Literary Terrorism, Pataphysics, Poopadoodle, Sedition Edit This
Citing eight years of Republicrat economic efforts that increased populations of those living below the poverty level, as well as encouraging migration of the downwardly mobile, fiercely vocal opponents of the fairness doctrine responded to President Obama’s initial budget proposal by calling it “a blueprint for economic disaster that will harm the environment by encouraging the over-harvesting of America’s most important resource beginning in 2011.”
Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Jewtah) has reportedly pegged Obama’s plan “dead on arrival,” slamming the proposal by the first non-white president of NOMPH™ to increase the tax burden on less than two tenths of a percent of America’s undeniably deserving leisure class “draconian,” likening it “to an open season on the very people who have earned the right to own this ground we walk upon by providing hard labor opportunities for all the Joe the Plumbers and Sarah Palins of this great country — who are the real heros, by the way — without requiring them to serve any time in prison where they would not have the opportunity to earn minimum wage.”
We did not attempt to reach Hatch for comment on what appeared to be his distortion of the purposes of the Nazi hunting season that opens this weekend in Paraguay.
Although among the richest people on the planet, Nazis are hunted chiefly for their scrotal sacks, sometimes called gunnies, as part of a culture of sanctimonious revenge that grew up following the alleged slaughter of several million Jews, gays, gypsies, liberals, Bolsheviks, and other fun-loving humans for two decades following the Great Depression.
Following World War II, fugitive Nazis who could not be sentenced to work on America’s space program or develop weapons of mass distraction for the undisputed champions of the world, free and otherwise, were often re-located to South America by the OSS (now commonly known as the CIA, or Corporate Intelligence Agency) where they were instrumental in transforming many of the desperately poor countries in the region south of America’s border into thriving cartels that produce cheap and effective pain killers and mercenary death squads.
Unfortunately, in recent years, several former U.S. allies in South and Central America have been infiltrated by liberal lawmakers and human rights agitators who have pushed for controlled Nazi hunts in Bolivia, Paraguay, Guatemala, Colombia, and Ecuador, some of which have so depleted free-range Nazi herds that some units are now in danger of extinction.
Hardest hit was Venezuela, which some conservative enrivornmental economists argue now has only two breeding pairs of Nazis in a country run by megalomaniacal universal welfare advocate Hugo Chavez. Attempts to obtain access to Octomoms willing to help reestablish self-sustaining Nazi communities have proven problematic.
People within the Obama administration pooh-pooh sugestions that “taxing these arrogant greedheads is the same as poisoning the world.” They suggest that there is no downside to looking for lost change in the sofas of those who often have more homes that Senator John McCain. None of them see shaking down the wealthy as having a negative impact upon the nation’s staggering economy, and many challenge the notion that the country’s obesely and obscenely rich are deserving of endangered species protections.
“You know yawl? I’m flat tired of these whining motherphuckers. Any ofay hemorrhoid jockey gots plenty of time to pack up and find somewhere else to show off their bling and hire them some willing niggers elsewhere if they don’t want to pay their fare share of the cost of protecting their honkey asses here at home,” said a high-ranking White House source who preferred to remain anonymous.
“The idea that these ignant motherphuckers be trying to convince American brothers and sisters, many of which has lost everything ceptin their goddamn minds because of the actions of these sorry ass scumbags — them saying they ain’t to blame? Wuddent their fault?” the source continued, “Damn liberals and welfare cheats done it? And then come back to claim they is a vanishing breed more valuable to this nation than the Pacific Northwest brown forest slug? Now that is terminal dumb ass, you ax me, and the height of white-folk delusions.”
Anonymous officials inside Obama’s inner circle also note that Obama’s plan only calls for taxing the rich, not hunting them down, “although it wouldn’t be a bad idea.”