Writes the Wrongs
Judge Compares QAnon Shaman To Martin Luther King
Cuts 10 Years Off Maximum Sentence
In an hour-long lovefest between Jacob Shandling, the insurrectionist formerly known as The QAnon Shaman & Judge Rolls Royce Phantom, Precept of Pennsylvania Avenue & Lord of the Cloakrom Clerks, lavished praise & affection for one another that caused some on the Internet, particularly on Twitter, to wonder whether the pair are a couple in real life.
“What you did was terrible, so serious that I cannot to myself, God, or the people of The District of Columbia justify a sentence” Judge Phantom intoned, “ f less than what is recommended" in the Handbook Of Mandatory Inhumane Mass Incarceration (HOMIMI).
“I know, your honor,” said Shandling’s Jake Angeli persona, one of the more than 12 QAnon disciple personalities he has been diagnosed with while awaiting trial.
“I know I was wrong for entering the Capitol. I had no hall pass. I imagined that. Q told me, & I believed him. I have no excuse. No excuse whatsoever. What I did was terrible.”
“That’s exactly what I said,” said Phantom.
“Yes, you did,” Jake nodded & smiled.
The judge then sentenced Jacob Angeli Shaman to 41 months with credit for 11 months already served.
“See you when you get out, Mr. Angeli. The wife can’t wait to meet you.”
“Please thank her for me, Judge. Those meals were delicious.”
Shandling had asked for a special diet while in jail, & Judge Phantom’s wife Oprah was happy to oblige.