Charlie McCarthy Jr. Loses Third Vote To Become Sprecher des Hauses


“I Was Born For These End Times,” Says Little Woodenheaded Nose Job

Time Magazine’s fourth or fifth favorite Kevin of the Year, Rep. McCarthy (R-Word, CA), has vowed to do “whatever it takes” to win the only vote that matters, “no matter how unpopular,” to become the first unapologetic Nazi pigfucker since Paul Ryan to lead the nation’s Repugnicunts in another ludicrous attempt to enforce minority Christian rule upon a largely unruly populace that finds religion silly and considers politics still to be poopadoodle after all these years.

Personally, I'm pulling for newly-annointed representative George DeSantos (R-Word, NY) to lead the last of these dumb Repugnicunt Kochsuckers over the cliff and make a nice little fossil dump for the next species of record to play around in while fabricating a fascinating non-critical racial history explaining exactly how we got here by harnessing the inimitable power of our worst impulses to trample out the vintage where minorities are stored because that’s #TheAmericanWay!

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