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OpenQuoteMark

He’s the best of course of all the worst

Some wrong’s been done, he done it first.

Frank Zappa,

“The Torture Never Stops"

Former White House Press Sec. Throbbing Grisham Confirms What We Suspected About Melania's Oval Orifice Behavior

Thursday, January 20, 2022

She Couldn’t Care Less About The Fucking Christmas DecorationsThe Turdwaffle White House was filled with bad actors portraying all sorts of variations on the seven deadly sins, usually live on TV, although occasionally just caught on a hot mic.
However, given that the residual scum from the Turdwaffle...

Researchers Say Earth's Core May Be Cooling 'More Rapidly Than Expected'

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Repugnicunts Applaud Findings, Claim Global Warming Can Help Reverse Planetary Core CoolingThe virtual ink was barely digitized at the journal Earth and Planetary Science Letters where a paper announced the planet had grown unexpectedly chill, in addition to having become woke, before Sen. Ted Cruz...

We Found The One Group Of Americans Who Are Most Likely To Spread Fake News

Saturday, January 15, 2022

One Subset Of Conservative Moderates Illustrates The Idiocy Of Suffering Idiots To De-Moron ThemselvesYeah. What he said.
I never thought I’d say that.
So I didn’t.

Marjoe Faylure Greene Hopes Not To Provoke Another Civil War

Thursday, January 13, 2022

That Is Not My Intention, Says Nimrod NudnikFreshman Rep. Marjoe Faylure Greene (R-Word, GA) belly-flopped into the national news again today when she recommended that the well-armed deplorables in our nation of miserable fucks use their “God-given Second Amendment rights against the tyannosaurs of...

Duke Of York Stripped Of Honorifics

Thursday, January 13, 2022

The Horror, The Horror, Of Losing The Honor, The HonorFormer Prince Andrew Windsor, the one-time Duke Of York, has been ordered to surrender his patronages and military titles to the Monarchy’s Quartermaster no later than the end of business on January 14, & donate his fancy uniforms to a local charity,...

He Has Sliced & Diced The Yahoos

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

With His Terrible Swiftian Sword So The Truth Goes Marching OnAs my uncle Hungry Chuck Bukowski always told me, “Time is made to be wasted,” and what better way to waste time than appealing to Twitter to rescind its permanent suspension from its hollowed (no, that’s not a typo) halls?

Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn Fighting For Nazi Rights

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Jews Cannot Cancel Us!Freshman Repugnicunt Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn blasted organizers of a lawsuit to disqualify him for ever again running for office “for trying to make North Carolina as great as Florida & other strongholds of American democracy. This outrage shall not stand!”
Cawthorn,...

KuklaM*A*S*H Kicks Ass & Calls Names

Friday, January 7, 2022

Says Democrats Don’t Understand Democracy AnymoreAnd here to introduce the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & all around malignant asshole, Donald J. Turdwaffle, is our good buddy & original average American, Forrest Q. Gump:
“Thank you, Doctor Faustroll. I am so happy not to be...

US Reports Over 1 Million New Daily COVID Cases As Omicron Surges

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Thousands Gather At Mar-a-Lago Chanting “USA! USA!”An unruly crowd drawn to Florida to celebrate the first anniversary of Antifa Infamy Day on January 6th burst into chants of “We’re Number One!” and “USA! USA!” after the World Health Organization acknowledged that the US recorded an astonishing 1...

Twitter Divorces Marjoe Faylure Greenhorndog

Sunday, January 2, 2022

Social Media Giant Shuts One Of Georgia Insurrectionist’s Many Pie HolesThe Internet erupted with virtual shouts of “Huzzahs!” today as news broke that Georgia’s freshman representative had been permanently banned from Twitter for spreading COVID misinformation, possibly spelling an end to her Greg...

I've Been Reading A Lot Lately About How Clues Were Missed

Thursday, December 30, 2021

In The Weeks Leading Up To The Failed January 6 Kraken KoupI don’t know about you, but I’ve been kind of worrying about the rise of American Nazis since the early 1950s, you remember, when we rescued a few thousand breeding pairs from the Fourth Reich to save us from the communists?
I know it’s...

Let's Go Darwin

Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Antifa Accused Of Spreading Anti-Vax Disinformation“It just sounds like something antifa would do,” said Marjoe Faylure Greene when asked why she thinks antifa is responsible for the 90% of people on ICUs who are unvaccinated Turdwaffle supporters.
#somethingunexpectedwentwrong BTW is one of the...

Seventy-Five Percent Of Former Guy's Supporters Says They Will Never Get Vaccine

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Tell Him To Shove His Endorsements Where Sun Don’t ShineRecent polling following the former twice impeached unindicted co-conspirator’s Alternative History Tour with Bill O’Reilly, where he was booed for saying he received the booster & recommended rally goers do the same, shows that the former dude’s...

Andrea Mitchell Denies Being Cloned From Chuck Todd's Facial Merkin

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

She Is Now Convinced Joe Biden Is Hiding Hillary Clinton’s E-Mail Server
Will she ever stop auditioning for a gig at Fox & Friends?

Manchin Family Slaughters Biden's Vision of America Building Back Better

Monday, December 20, 2021

I Would Like To Hope That There Are Still Democrats That Feel Like I DoWhy is there no one to rid us of these suicidally obstructionist shits?
Someone should remind Mr. Manchin that he represents a state with fewer than .5% of all Americans, a state whose chief contribution to our nation of miserable...

So My Posts About Turdwaffle Actively Working Against The CDC On COVID Weren't Just Idle Speculation?

Friday, December 17, 2021

Of Course They Were; I’m A Speculative HistorianI’ll keep this short.
Is there any crime the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & favorite failed führer didn’t commit while in the White House?
I’ll take my answer off-air.

What Goes Around Is Usually Stupid And Contagious

Monday, December 13, 2021

Here We Are Now, Curt Cobain UsMore & more it seems as if The One Minute President was far more terrifyingly prescient than obvious, which I find increasingly more hilarious with every passing year. Surely I must be dead by now.
Someone as desperately unhappy and negative as someone who could...

Bob Dole: I'm Not In Kansas Anymore

Friday, December 10, 2021

Moves Along Down The Yellow Brick RoadPromises to visit Saturday Night Live as soon as Billie Eilish gets to host.

Japonica Glistens Like Coral In All Of The Neighboring Gardens

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

But Today We Have Shaming Of FartsGod I miss the good old days when we could kick ass & call people names…
But at least we have the Urban Dictionary to help us understand what the fuck our parents were thinking when they listened to their gods and named every fucking asshole in the world, including...

So Who Exactly Is This Ligi Fuck?

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Beats The Hell Out Of MeThank God for Ted Stevens’ ingenious system of tubes we now call the Interweb where I finally discovered the truth about my ghastly origins.I bet Father Francis didn’t see that coming. Speaking on not getting any on you: