Tweets from Cassandra Widdershin's Blood Lion

Is There No One To Rid Us Of These Deplorable Judges?

Tuesday, October 26, 2021

You Say Potato & I Say He’s An AssholeIf you have to wonder how we ended up with so many Nazi lawyers on the bench, you haven’t been paying attention...

How To See Uranus Alongside Hunter Biden's Moon In The Night Sky This Week

Friday, October 22, 2021

You Might Spot Some Exciting Stars As WellThe bright light of Hunter Biden’s moon will lead the way to Uranus in the early morning prostate runs this...

Turdwaffle Launches Socialist Media Scam

Thursday, October 21, 2021

“You Can’t Handle The Truth About Socialism” Site Hacked On First DayAs former twice-impeached unidicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle scrambles...

143 Fully Vaccinated Oregon Residents who Received Pfizer Vaccine Have Died Of COVID-19

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Most Died In Portland From Gunshot WoundsThe Oregon Health Authority now recommends that most fully vaccinated Oregonians hunker down in their subterranean panic...

Turdwaffle Tell Supporters Not To Vote Until He Is Reinstated

Thursday, October 14, 2021

Complains That Rich Fucks Won’t Shoot Him Into Space For FreeContinuing his Keep Making America Great Again Again campaign to regain access to executive...

Marjoe Faylor Greene Celebrates #ColombiaDay

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Druglords Drag Georgia Lawmaker On TwitterAmerica’s favorite distaff dumbfuck lawbreaker from Georgia tried to downplay the significance of Joe Biden...

Mike Lindell Claims 850 Year Old Democrat Voted

Saturday, October 9, 2021

More Than 3 Million Democrats Over 150 Years Old Also VotedEveryone’s favorite used pillow salesman, Mike Lindell today revealed that his crack team...

Rittenhouse Lawyers Argue He Had Assault Weapon Because He Was Hunting

Friday, October 8, 2021

Irony Declared Officially Dead

My Pillow Guy Continues His Epic Quest

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

Mike Lindell Knocking On Doors To Uncover Dead Democrat VotersIf after the first thousand times you don’t succeed, My Pillow CEO & Donald J. Turdwaffle’s...

Chief Stumbling Block On Budget Negotiations Is NIH

Monday, October 4, 2021

Study Into Exceptional American Stupidity In JeopardyVowing to block any solution to the nation’s intractable problems that endangers America's fixed...

Omarosa: It’s Time for Trump to Come Clean About His Health

Monday, October 4, 2021

Ain’t No Jive-Ass Cracker NDA Gonna Keep This Uppity Mouth ShutFresh off an arbitrator’s ruling that former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator...

Petito Family Sued For Failure To Pay Licensing Fees

Saturday, October 2, 2021

“Let It Be” Tattoos Designed By Gabby Violate Copyright Protection When four members of slain Instagram influencer Gabby Petito’s family got matching...

Trump Blasts Arizona Audit Results

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

“Where Did They Get These Guys?” Former Guy Asks Rally CrowdAmerica’s favorite twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle cried foul...

NRA Disputes Report That Found Not Owning A Gun Reduces Risk Of Accidental Shooting

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Blames Antifa Victim-Culture For Anti-Gun Messaging“Guns don’t kill people, bullets kill people,” according to the latest pro-death advertising from...

Laurena Boebert Mocked For Another Dumb Constitution Tweet

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Colorado Lawmaker Confuses 10 Commandments With Bill Of RightsNever the brightest bulb in the toilet bowl nightlight, freshman lawmaker Laurena Boebert...

Biden Says He Who Dies With The Most Toys No Longer Wins

Thursday, September 23, 2021

Calls Former Guy A Fucking AssholeAs a new poll of unlikely voters shows President Biden’s approval raitings plunging among those uneducated independent...

Countdown To 700 Thousand

Monday, September 20, 2021

Houston We Have A Big Fucking Problem Here

Top 1% Slam Proposed Biden Tax Hikes

Thursday, September 16, 2021

“Whatever Happened To Our Democracy?” Rhetoricians Wonder AloudPresident Biden on Thursday proposed a modest adjustment to the massive tax breaks former...

Scientists Find Another Planet With All The Ingredients For Life

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

“All That’s Lacking Is A Little American Stupidity,” Say ResearchersProving that the age of American exceptionalism truly has passed, if it ever truly...

Top General Sought Chinese Help To Get Turdwaffle Banned On Twitter

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

“We Gave Him Fake Nuclear Codes,” Anonymous Source RevealsIn the days following twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle’s soiling...

Al Qaeda Leader, Believed Dead, Appears In Video At Evander Holyfield Fight

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Turdwaffle & Son Unaware Of Allegedly deceased Terrorists Laughing Three Rows Behind ThemOsama bin Laden made a rare appearance at the Seminole Hard...

Turdwaffle Blasts Biden For Letting Taliban Have More Weapons Than New York Repugnicunts

Saturday, September 11, 2021

Taliban Nows Outgun Americans 27 To 1Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and failed insurrectionist Donald J. Turdwaffle dropped by Greg...

Texas Gov. Bud Abbott Says Abortion Bill Will Force Rapists To Move Back To Mexico

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Six Weeks Is Plenty Of Time To Get Your Tubes TiedDespite facing worldwide derision for signing one of the most restrictive anti-abortion laws in the...

Women Begin Texas Exodus

Thursday, September 2, 2021

“Fuck Those Guys” Says #MeToo SchneiderFemale Americans in the Lone Star state have wasted no time responding to Turdwaffle’s Nazi-packed Supreme Court...

Antifa Admits COVID Is On Their Side

Monday, August 30, 2021

“Very Fine People On The Wrong Side Of History Are Finally Getting Theirs,” Queen Antifa SmilesIt has apparently come to the attention of the GOP that...

Laurena Boebert's Gas Problem

Saturday, August 28, 2021

Nazi Lawbreaker Concealed Fragrant Conflict Of InterestColorado congressturd Boebert’s husband has been selling her farts as renewable energy, a fact...

Actually They Signed Up To Be Buttfucked By The GOP

Friday, August 27, 2021

Donald Jr. Pulls Up His Huggies & Gets Real Mean Girl

Incel Journalist Blugeoned With Dildo In Portland

Monday, August 23, 2021

Someone’s Got To NgoFreelance Nazi provocateur, Andy Ngo was briefly stunned yesterday when Queen Antifa snuck up behind him in a pussy-hat & wapped...

Feckless Cunts Are Still Running The World

Sunday, August 22, 2021

Jarvis Cocker Was RightAnd the colored girls go: "Doo do doo do doo do do doo..."
And #TheDeadBeats go on.

Taliban To Use Vietnam As Model For New Afghanistan

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

“To The Victor Go The Spoils” Rafshan Hashemi bin Khesi Tells Press CorpsesIn a continuation of the charm offensive that has won over 85% of the Afghani...

H.R. McMaster Baits Liberal Media With Moderate Canine Yodeling

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Urges Marines Change Motto To “Semper Fido”“An ounce of invective is worth more than pounding sand up your own ass at the behest of some bush league...

Taliban Credit Trump & Pompeo For Crucial Intelligence

Sunday, August 15, 2021

“We Couldn’t Have Done It Without Them” Says Beulah OmarHaving soundly defeated Russia & the United States in back to back knockouts of reigning superpowers,...

World Ends Suddenly

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Season Ticket Holders Demand Full Refunds In Class-Action SuitDon’t worry, average . Mexico & other poor countries will pay for it, just as they always...

Cuomo Gives Two Week's Notice

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Joining Trump 2024 Campaign As Sensitivity CzarGovernor Andrew Cuomo gave New Yorkers his two-week notice today, saying he’s been offered a “challenging...

I Remember That Movie

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Didn’t They Say This Could Never Happen?I’ve never been one not to tell you how many times I’ve told you so. So let me just say once again: I told you...

William Tecumseh Sherman Variant Marches Through South

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

DeSantis Threatens To Deport Hospitalized Patients Back To “Their State Of Origin”Florida Governor Ron “The Con” DeSantis has recently come under attack...

Laurena Boebert Ain't Got No Daddy!

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Sarah Palin’s Mini Me Has Daddy IssuesSome things you just can’t make up. Read all about it!

"Give Us Liberty or Give Us Death!" Shout MAGA Anti-Maskers

Saturday, July 31, 2021

“Just Hold That Thought,” Delta Variant RepliesHere’s hoping the Democrats won’t waste this golden opportunity to level the playing field in our nation...

Repugnicunts Blame Capitol Cops For 1/6 Riots

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

“They Started It!” Say Die-Hard NazisFollowing the first day of the House investigation into the January 6th Turdwaffle Insurrection, GOP leaders & their...

Turdwaffle Blasts Biden For Ruining His Beautiful Vaccines

Monday, July 26, 2021

“People Listen To Me,” Bloviating Bombast BellowsContinuing the rant he began at the recent “Rally To Protect Our Elections” in Phoenix, former twice-impeached...

We Don't Have A Pandemic Of The Unvaccinated

Thursday, July 22, 2021

We Have A Pandemic Of Terminal Dumb AssesForgive me for typing the actual message you thought I was only thinking and posting it to the Ted Stevens Memorial...

Testes Testes

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

My Kingdom For An Internet ConnectionIf you think my testes are bad, you should taste one of my quizzies, no?

Trump To Sue Putin For NDA Violation

Saturday, July 17, 2021

“I Thought We Had A Deal!” Turdwaffle Shouts At Passing CarsCiting the agreement they signed behind closed doors at Helsinki in 2018, twice-impeached former...

Repugnicunts Seek To Outlaw Maskturbation

Thursday, July 15, 2021

“You Can Hum But You Can’t Hide!” Shout Nazi Pigfuckers From HeavenOnce again, the GOP has chosen to mishear what is being said by actual people who...

Dems Bug Out Of Texas

Monday, July 12, 2021

Remembering The AlamoCalling the late Arthur Lee’s “You Set The Scene” the “most meaningful description of life in Texas since the Repugnicunts took...

Holden Cawthorn Is Latest Helms On Wheels

Saturday, July 10, 2021

“They’re Coming To Take Our Deuteronomy, Mama!”North Carolina Representative Ashley Madison Cawthorn held forth with a group of Tik Tok Teens at the...

Things They Don't Teach You Or Teach You Not To Do

Thursday, July 8, 2021

Always Put Incriminating Things In WritingThe key thing to remember as you navigate the mysteries of American family values & our supply side plantation...

Cuomo Calls 2nd Amendment A Fucking Disaster

Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Executive Order Stops Short Of Adding NRA To Terror Watch List“Enough is enough!” says beleaguered Democrat governor under attack from Proud Boys, Nazis,...

Afghanistan Beats Another World Superpower

Friday, July 2, 2021

“Kudos to the Afghani people,” Says The It’s About Times Picayune“Bring it on!” says Taliban spokesinmate. “We always beat the best you got, cholo.”

Tour de France Fugitive Granted Asylum At Mar A Lago

Tuesday, June 29, 2021

Woman Blames Democrat Grandma & Grandpa For Making Her Do itKaren “Tim” O’Leary, the female spectator believed responsible for Saturday’s horrific crash...