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Candace Owens Calls Turdwaffle Too Old To Talk With

Dec 25, 2021

Thinks He’s Been Brainwashed By Liberal Vaxxers

Candace Owens was apparently as surprised as any far-right anti-vaxxer nutjob would be when former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & occasional horse-dewormer salesman Donald J. Turdwaffle suddenly praised himself for inventing vaccines and proclaiming that he himself had received at least half a dozen boosters, which is making his reinstatement more likely every day.

Owens, no relation to the 1936 Olympic track phenom, jumped on Instagram to bemoan the former president’s limited grasp of the Internet, where he would have learned the truth about what the shots had obviously done to him, “but that’s what happens when you get old and rancid.”

“People oftentimes forget that, like, how old Mr. Turdwaffle is,” she said. “He comes from the too-big-to-fail generation of cranky old farts — I’ve seen other people that are as old as he is or older that have the exact same perspective, like, they came from a time before facts, before smoking guns, before radio, before TV, before the Internet, before being able to conduct the kind of independent research that leads to the kinds of new ideas that are better than the old ones. And everything that they read in a newspaper that was pitched to them, they believed that that was a reality. These old people really need to get out more. But please be kind to them.”

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January 6th