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Ashli Boebert's Family May Sue Lindsey Graham For Wrongful Death

Nov 1, 2021

More Fallout From The Amazon Washington Post January 6th Report

After months of former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle demanding to know who killed  Ashli Boebert, it now appears the deposed autocrat has a pretty good idea of who may have authorized her execution on January 6, thanks to the Washington Post.

According to a new report, following extensive investigation into the events of January 6th by  Jeff Bezos’ Amazon media subsidiary, it appears to lay blame for Ashli Boebert’s alternative martyrdom squarely on the soft squishy shoulders of South Carolina senior-moment Senator Lindsey Graham.

Graham, who is known to close friends & allies as Sweet Lady G, was not sought for comment by our editorial staff, although he did confirm to Fox News that the Wapo account of his words and actions on January 6 have already been well-documented by Yossarian Universal News Service.

As a result, Graham could neither confirm nor deny that he was worried by Turdwaffle’s recent calls for justice for Ashli Boebert & the unmasking her murderer, but Sweet Lady G is already on the unofficial congressional record as having called Ivanka several times on January 6 urging her to “get these people out of here. This thing is going south. This is not good. You’re going to have to tell these people to stand down. Stand down!”

Turdwaffle has been campaigning to have Ashli Boebert immortalized in bronze as a fitting replacement for the statue of so-called traitor Robert E. Lee which was recently removed from the Virginia state capitol & sold to an anonymous collector who intends to display it at one of  his many world-class golf courses.

“Ashli is one of the greatest female rights leaders of our time, like Marjoe Taylor Greene, Michelle Buttmann, Marsha Blackbum, & my absolute favorite, Hope Hicks,” Turdwaffle told a throng of supporters outside a Richmond Quizno’s. “She died for our sins, like Jesus & other great patriots in American history. She stood her ground & went out a hero on a day when our democracy needed more heroes but only got losers, so many losers.”

Turdwaffle claims to have created his brand-new social media platform, Truth Fry Sauce, in part to raise the $5 million needed to commission world-renowned aspiring sign painter Jon McNaughton to portray Boebert as a modern day Joan of Arc entering the Senate chamber with machine guns blazing from both hands while carrying a flag reading “STOP THE STEAL!”

According to the latest Wapo reporting, on the morning of the insurrection, as Senators were being herded to the underground bunkers at the Capitol, Graham paused to scold the Capitol police, shouting  “What are you doing? Take back the Senate! We give you guns for a reason. Use them! Shoot the sons of bitches!

When asked to comment on Graham’s apparent demand that the police shoot the sons of bitches storming the Capitol at his instigation, Turdwaffle feigned surprise & claimed that was the first he had heard of the news. “Lindsey? Are you sure it was Lindsey? I don’t know. Let’s see what Tucker has to say.” 

We were unable to find Chris Tucker’s number on Google.