Must Be Ukraine Comedians Again! Says GOP

Authorities say their focus was immediately fixed on Russian mass murderer Vlad “The Impudent” Putin in connection with today’s New York subway terrorist attack in Brooklyn, after videos by Tik Tok Teens surfaced appearing to show a gunman wearing a Soviet-era gas mask and a “Shootin’ For Putin!” tee-shirt under a bright orange construction vest. The suspect also wore a Trump 2024 lapel button and a bright red Make America Great Again hat that some witnesses say seemed to have been signed by the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator himself.

“I was so thrilled,” said one witness who asked to be identified but refused to pay us our regular fee, “to see that our favorite president continues to inspire his followers to make this nation of miserable fucks proud of its questionable heritage again.”