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Cawthorn Claims Police Harassment

Mar 10, 2022

Outlaw Lawmaker Arrested Again For Driving Without A License

Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) slammed the North Carolina State Highway Patrol this morning for what he termed ”constant harassment for my defense of the Constitution. Do they ever go after these liberal sympathizers. The law is stacked against our true patriots.”

Cawthorn was stopped for suspicion of intentionally running over a duck and her ducklings on U.S. Route 74, according to First Sgt. Dixie Normoose.

“During the course of the investigation,” Normoose said, “it was determined that the alleged insurrectionist’s license was in a state of denial and he was subsequently charged with driving under delusion.”

“This is the third time this has happened since we tried to stop the steal,” Cawthorn whined, noting that police were well-aware he always drove without a license “since I was unfairly disabled by a woke Toyota Prius for falling asleep while using cruise control.”

Cawthorn complained that “liberals and Democrats who are too scared to speed recklessly without a license have some nerve criticizing Americans who are willing to stand up for their Christian rights despite all this oppression. This is worse than the holocaust,” he concluded, invoking what has become his catch phrase in the superhero story he imagines himself starring in.

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