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Rep. Madison Cawthorn Tells Audience: 'I Don't Have A Whole Lot Of Wisdom'

Mar 26, 2022

“And You Don’t Seem To Have A Lick Of sense Either,” Admonished Elderly GrandmotheFar right testicle Rep. Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) defended his racist, homophobic, misogynistic, insurrectionist, dumbfuck positions on just about everything at the annual Bumfuck County Repugnicunt Men’s Underwear Club Camp Meeting And Blood Drive in nearby Transylvania County over the weekend, hoping no one would notice.

“With me,” Cawthorn told his heavily-armed supporters, “What you see is exactly what you get, no more, no more or less. One thing you can count on is I don’t have a whole lot of wisdom. On the other hand, I am chock full in spades with American Family Values and my willingness to stand my ground to defend the Second Amendment.”

Cawthorn has been on a roll in recent weeks, hoping for an endorsement from former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and the guy occasionally willing to consider doing what’s right in exchange for a favor or two, calling Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy an incredibly evil thug who apparently supported Joe Biden and helped his corrupt son Hunter steal the 2020 election.

He claimed to be packing on January 6, 2021 at the Capitol as his fellow patriots attempted to stand their ground against Critical Race Theory and “election integrity.”

He blamed antifa for slashing the tires on his custom-built Helms/East Freedom Cruiser and laughing at him.

Then, on Thursday, the beleaguered Clown of Cripple Creek announced his intention to update former disgaced Repugnicunt Sen. Newton Gingrich’s (R-Word, Ga) “Contract On America,” arguing that “the past 50 years have proven to everyone how liberals, Democrats, and other perverts should never have been trusted to live up to their end of the bargain or we’d all be living right now on Ronald Reagan’s shining city on the hill. So what if God isn’t on our side, why does that mean He’s on their side?”

Cawthorn has been on his heels as critics and constituents alike have pummeled him for being such an annoying little asshole.

“I have a lot of zeal,” he told the few non-comatose people in attendance, “I have a lot of charismatics and aroma. I’ve got a lot of aggression, which is why I charged that machine-gun to defend our freedom and stand before you today in this wheelchair. But you must realize that at 26 years old, I don’t have a lot of wisdom, although I do have more wisdom than a dead 25 year old.”

Cawthorn graduated from Christian Home School Academy with honors and enrolled at the Post-Secondary Institute For The Preservation Of America’s Great Heritage And Seminary, where he spent nearly a week before getting laid, in an interaction with a student of indetermined gender that is protected by ironclad non-disclosure and non-disparagement agreements.

“But is wisdom really that important?” Cawthorn asked rectumorically, “considering we continue letting all the liberals and Democrats breed like cockroaches?

At the moment we clicked Publish, we had still not considered contacting anyone to verify anything in this post.


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