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Turdwaffle Offers Hand-Signed Army/Navy Football As Prize In Save America Fund-Raising Raffle
Jan 22, 2022
This Was From My First Interception When Wharton Loaned Me To The Army/Navy Game
As this complete and total disaster of football season comes to its totally disgraceful end with mandatory testing, we have BIG news to share with YOU rampant football fans and the football lovers that love you, of which I am sure.
People seldom remember my great college career on the gridiron while studying for my valuedictorian degree where I was also a respectable player-coach with the Wharton Warthogs. I played both ways, but I was best on the offensive, except once when I signed this football that I intercepted at the Army-Navy game, where I was equipment manager when the original equipment manager was drafted & went to Khe Sanh. Great guy. Many people have dreamed of holding it, but not even Melania knows where it is.
But I, your favorite President Donald Trump, along with indisputable football legend, O. J. Simpson, have HAND-SIGNED a special-edition TRUMP FOOTBALL from my incredible interception against the Generals who I still now more than and whatever they have in the Navy at the legendary game that Wharton Warthogs alumneses remember to this day because of my heroics.
You too can now get a chance to remember this icoronic event, is that even a word? It almost sounds like a word. Can any of your fake journalists fact check that word? What the hell do the American people pay you for? When I’m reinstated, we’re going to fire all the journalists. Just to be clear.
You too can commemorate so slovenia, salaamist, solemnly, ahh, there are so many tricky “S-words,” but I don’t use a telep[rompter like Sleepy Joe and his woke mob, but we want YOU to have a chance to win the opportunity to contribute to our great Save America campaign which includes at no additional cost to you a chance to win this historic football.
Imagine your friends looking at this great HANDSIGNED football while you watch the big game, and there I am, in the stands, waving at patriots just like you, who now the signals.
We NEVER do this, at least not very often in the same month, and we may not be able to do it ever again in the near future, if the movies on Netflix are even a little bit true, which we all know they are, which is why we are which and the Democrats are not. But you need to ENTER NOW before it’s too late. As my good friend Jack Bauer told me backstage: “Sir! We’re running out of time!”
Contribute ANY AMOUNT IMMEDIATELY to enter to win a chance at this incredible & unbelievably valuable one-of-a-kind TRUMP FOOTBALL hand-signed by President Trump and his great friend O. J. Simpson, who we have endorsed for Governor and Senator in Georgia, but you have to act now, or we’ll throw in a non-fungicide token for never-been-seen-before footage from INSIDE the white Bronco. You know what I mean.
President Trump really wants this special hand-signed TRUMP FOOTBALL to go to one of his best supporters, like YOU, or family members who share your American values. He’s planning on picking a winner real soon now, and it might as well be you, so don’t wait.
Please contribute RIGHT NOW to WIN this hand-signed Trump Football with the same permanent Sharpie I used to sign the checks for our great border wall.