Reproductive Rights Belong To The Unborn

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Repugnicunts Offer Compromise Language On So-Called Heartbeat BillsAfter the Reagan Supreme Court three times allowed Texas’s ban on abortions after six weeks in recent decisions, Democrats have thus far resisted calls to arm themselves, rallying behind the cries for justice from women whose right...

Mitch McConnell Clarifies Comments On Illegal Black Voters

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Didn’t Mean To Imply They Were As Valuable As Real Americans“The liberals in the fake media are putting words in my mouth again,” said the once & future senior obstructionist in the Senate, Mitch McConnell (R-Word, KY) when asked by an open-carrying 10-year-old member of the ONAN Christian Youth Corps...

NY AG Letitia James Cuts Deal To Issue Turdwaffle Indictments At Superbowl Halftime Show

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

This Will Be The Greatest Halftime Show Ever!But only if the entire family is in non-fungible stocks under the goal posts for the rest of the game.

Professor Who Called Students 'Vectors Of Disease' Nominated For Nobel Prize

Monday, January 17, 2022

At The Very Least, Barry Mehler Deserves A Medal Of FreedomI recall while still a graduate teaching assistant, telling my students I did not grade on a curve. If they completed all the assignments, they’d get an ‘A’. If they didn’t complete all the assignments, they’d get an ‘F.'
I gave "F’s"...

When Is It OK To Call Someone The N-Word?

Thursday, January 13, 2022

Pataphysicians Dare To AskHas anyone ever called you the N-Word? I assume that people must sound pretty stupid saying it. “You damn uppity N-Word,” doesn’t quite convey the nonchalant disdain some people have for most other people, who are not of their tribe.
I’ve begun using “R-Word” where I...

JFK Jr. Boycotts Biden Atlanta Speech

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

I’m Done Rolling Over In My GraveWhile the corporate media is determined to paint Stacy Abram’s scheduling issue as a snub of President Biden for his inability to solve every real or imagined grievance in our nation of miserable fucks in the course of a busy year, we here at the Portland Pataphysical...

QAnon Doomsday Cult Now Urging Followers To Catch Omnicron To "Get It Over With'

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Then We Can Get Back To Tracking Down JFK Jr!I can see how the dead-enders of freedumbocracy would prefer anything to another year of COVID restrictions. Science is such a pain in the ass. Tell me where science is in the Constitution. There’s nothing in the Ten Commandments!
All their friends...

Repugnicunts Claim Climate Change Politically Motivated

Friday, January 7, 2022

Demand Equal Time For End Of Days ScenariosEver since the Doomsday Clock hit midnight on Jan 6, 2021, partisan bickering over who is to blame for all this damned disorder has reached a fever pitch with both sides now arguing that death is better than whatever is currently being discussed outside the...

Prince Randy Andy, Douche of York, Claims Double Jeopardy

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Says Epstein Paid Virginia Guiffre Enough To Cover Any Alleged Abuse He Might Have Innocently Been Involved In“We always split the bill,” the royal asshole told the court in a recent filing, “whenever we went to town on some new virgins. In this case, it was clearly Jeffrey’s intention to cover my...

For Those Who Find My Posts To Be Total Fabrications

Sunday, January 2, 2022

Life Is Madness Even Where There Is Some Method To ItTell me again how we’re not still living in Old Rummy Reagan's supply-side plantation economy.
I just read that the correct translation of Descartes’s first principle is “I think therefore I am probably making this up.”

Thousands Protest Transexual Music City Bowl

Friday, December 31, 2021

MAGA Crowd Roars Displeasure Accusing Sponsors Of Straight GenocideThere were more than a smattering of MAGA hats among the 60,000 protestors who showed up for Thursday’s matchup between Tennessee and Purdue, a thriller won by the Boilermakers in overtime by the score of 48-45.
The raucous crowd...

Nickers Need To Gettr Groyp

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Froggy Went A Courtin'Thank God, Whoever, wherever She is.

OMG! People At A Conspiracy Conference Think Antifa Gave Them Anthrax

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

Obviously These Are Breakthrough InfectionsAbsolutely everyone at the Re-Awaken America conference in Dallas on December 10 had previously tested negative for anthrax & they all had to provide proof that they had not received a single dose of the COVID-19 vaccine before being able to purchase tickets,...

Kim Potter Employs Rittenhouse Defense

Monday, December 20, 2021

It’s Not White Privilege; It’s Honest Remorse!I guess everyone needs to share a good Rittenhouse now and then.
I had no idea that Rittenhousing had so quickly replaced privilege as a white asshole’s best tactic for staying out of jail and living to crime again.

Trump Demands Refunds From No Show Supporters At MAGA History Tour

Friday, December 17, 2021

Nobody Rips Me Off & Gets Away With ItAfter days of claiming reports of poor attendance at his Orlando appearance with disgraced Fox News celebrity Bill O’Reilly was “fake news,” former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle abruptly changed tactics & filed a class action suit...

Trump Denies Ordering Hit On Meadows For Turning Over Documents

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

But It Really Would Be A Shame Should Something Happen To ThEse TraitorsBeleaguered former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle continued to provoke the nation’s media into excusing his crimes as “unhinged acts of an unhinged Individual 1” by asking his supporters during the...

Ethan Frome Crumbley Gets Public Defender

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Crumbley Parents Hire The Kraken, Tell Son To Bugger OffJust how Crumbley can these assholes get?
And the walls came crumbleying, crumbleying…

Dick The Halls With Lots Of Folly

Monday, December 6, 2021

Barron Punks Family With X-Rated X-Mas CardFormer twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & pontificating prick Donald J. Turdwaffle could not be reached for comment this morning amid rumors that his youngest son, Barron von Munchmouser, has defected to antifa & is dating Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. 

Turdwaffle Denies Everything

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Claims Executive PrejudiceAs the reality of his continued unencumbered existence begins to weigh on humanity’s hope for a survivable future, former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & Russian pissaholic Donald J. Turdwaffle interrrupted his regularly scheduled phone rant to his rabidly athletic...