Originally published by drfaustroll under Blather, Pataphysics, Sedition February 13, 2009
Few today remember the popularity enjoyed by the former First Idiot’s drunken twin daughters, Regan and Cordelia, alter-egos of sororiternal twins Barbara and Jenna, even as they careened around America in borrowed sports cars under the influence of illegally obtained alcohol and pharmaceuticals liberated from DEA evidence lockers.
All over the world, admiring parents of twin girls were naming them after the Bush twins, hoping that some of the luck associated with being born to the world’s most powerful developmentally disabled pretzel choker would rub off on their offspring.
That was certainly the case with the twins born to Victor and Babulicious Breshkovsky during George W. Bush’s stint as The Decider of Texas, where he set several world records for ordering executions of godless pro-abortionists and liberals.
Born Baba and Yaga Breshkovsky on January 20, 1995, their fiercely pro-Western parents renamed the girls on September 12, 2001 after reports surfaced that the Bush twins had been involved in the disastrous unplanned test of Global Hawk technology in New York, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania, the previous day, a test that turned a bumbling, incompetent born-again alcoholic into one of the most bumbling, incompetent mass murderers ever to lead the free world in the barbaric rape and pillage of the third world.
It now appears that Barbara and Regan Babushka were chiefly responsible for commandeering the technologically inebriated Leonid Breshnev space capsule last week and taking it on a joy ride trip across the heavens before smashing it at approximately 17,000 miles per hour into the Yossarian Universal News Service communications satellite, resulting in more than 10,000 pieces of debris being scattered through earth orbit approximately 500 miles up.
Authorities in New York now believe that a piece of that debris no bigger than a Satsuma mandarin entered the atmosphere over Michigan last night before striking a commuter airliner near Buffalo, causing it to suddenly lose altitude and crash into a half way house for recovering bile addicts, killing at least 50 people.
Interpol and other agencies are now calling on citizens around the globe to be on the lookout for the Babushkas, who are believed to have a blood alcohol content of at least .245. If you spot either of these misguided women, do not attempt to apprehend them yourself. Instead, call 911 from your cell phone to give police your GPS coordinates so they can call in a unmanned Predator air strike.