Court Sides With Jewish Jester Over Pompous Christian Windbag
Turdwaffle-supporter extraordinaire & alleged apprentice pedophile Roy Moore had his $95 million defamation suit against Sacha Baron Cohen tossed out today, after judge John P. Cronan of the US District Court for the Southern District of New York had to be revived by a dwindling cast of heroic first responders after laughing so hard at Moore’s suit that his heart stopped.
Moore, a former Alabama Supreme Court judge, twice-removed, was also a failed gubernatorial candidate, whose US Senate run was derailed when then-president Donald J. Turdwaffle endorsed Moore as “a good man, maybe the best man in all of history — the little girls love him, from what I read in the fake news — you don’t believe me? Many people read these stories. I know I have & I tell you one thing — I need more Moores like Roy in my America & less like that scumbag Michael, if you know what I mean…”
Moore was really hoping he had $95 million in the bag by suing Cohen with only Cronan in his way.
“Cronan is a Turdwaffle appointee and Cohen is a goddamn kike, for Christ’s sake,” said the husband of a former first daughter who spoke on condition of extreme anonymity on background only, “If you can’t win at the rule of lawyers with a hand like that, you might as well be a Democrat.”
Disguised as Col. Erran Morad, an Israeli counterterrorism expert, Cohen led Moore to believe that Israel had devloped a machine that could detect pedophiles, noting that most terrorists are also pedophiles. When Morad waved the device near Moore, it screamed wildly, like a pre-pubescent girl in the maintenance hall at an Alabama mall, forcing the elleged pedophile & former twice-removed Alabama Supreme Court judge to skitter away like an invasive Palmetto bug, introduced from the stool of SC Senator Lindsey Graham, which had grown large enough to swallow Alabama bullfrogs in a single gulp.
Cohen, the world’s 3rd most famous social activist behind Greta Thunberg & Amber Heard, could probably have been reached for comment, if we were professional journalists & not pataphysical terrorists, committed to an imaginary world in which imaginary problems become imaginary things of a past too painful to acknowledge, much less study alongside critical racist theory.
We could also have asked Mr. Cohen about rumors that he is the head of antifa, or if Emmett Grogan is still in charge there, but we didn’t because we’re lazy & just want to kick back like everyone else as civilization collapses around us like a line of poorly-constru Florida condos.
We also didn’t bother to contact Moore’s attorney Larry “Stinkfoot” Klayman on whether his stated intention to appeal Judge John Cronan’s decision amounted to the classic banana appeal offense.
But still, here you are again in my cave.
What’s the matter with you people?