All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

What If American Democracy Has Been Totally Replaced By Reality Programming?


Do You Like Your News Slathered In Entertainment As Much As I Do?

When the people who are paid to talk talk about how divided our nation of miserable fucks has become, they make the same mistake all binary constructs do: the assume the mysteries of the universe rely on dichotomies, despite their religious fixations on trinities,

Our nation is divided only because it is profitable to our supply-side plantation owners to maintain the status quo until their privately funded extra-terrestrial voyagers have been fully funded by taxpayers. Hell, even Frank Zappa knew that, and he’s been dead since 1993. Where you been, assholes?

But the secret word for tonight is neither freedumb, nor mudshark, but rather Confidential, as in you are invited to support the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and the kind of guy who had lawyers to pay off the kinds of women he claims are not his type after he fucks them by participating in a Confidential poll that may make you eligible to attend a Top Secret Turdwaffle rally where you can help assure that your favorite führer continues to thrive in the manner to which he has become accustomed, because that’s #TheAmericanWay.

I post these things as evidence of criminal wrongdoing going on in plain sight with the tacit approval of state, local, and federal law enforcement, as well as our self-congratulatory media and supply-side plantation owners who keep reminding us what good little boys and girls we are by allowing them to do whatever the fuck they want without any consequences.

Maybe 300 million years from now an intern will stumble across one of these posts embedded on a tracking chip and hide it from her faculty advisors so she can share he find with the people who matter: those who get the jokes.

Here’s one that apparently confuses me with an uneducated idiot willing to send money to a Nigerian prince, so long as the Nigerian prince pretends he’s a white supremacist asshole.

I’m really curious where in the shit hole states this secret location can be and which craigslist edition I have to click to get paid to attend as one of his favorite Asshole Americans? I suspect I would not be welcome if I were to win the grand prize which likely does not exist anyway, since there are apparently fewer laws and regulations governing political fundraising than there are governing the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes, which I have always considered far more prestigious than the Nobel or Pulitzer Prizes.

But a top secret location, like a secret word, is no more impressive than an uneducated mudshark, without a non-disclosure agreement, welcoming you into an exclusive club of people who are not losers, just like you:

This was by far the most difficult survey I’ve ever had the thrill of completing for the Turdwaffle empire of stupidity. Here was the first most important question on the mind of concerned insurrectionists today:

The second question was a little trickier. Was this an inside joke about the Vodka Collins?

And finally, we get a question that is clearly on the forefrontal lobes of the very fine people these days:

You can take the poll yourself if you want, despite all the warnings (trust me, I’ve used scripts for hundreds of users from all over the #AmericaFirst globe to ensure anyone can participate in Tik Toking his survey), by clicking this link to verify how batshit crazy our nation of miserable fucks has become now that Grabito Pussolini and his brown shorts are immune even from persecution, since The Rule Of Lawyers absolutely motivates the very fine people on their side. Bring on the Krakenheads!

Oh, yeah, once you complete the survey, stick around to help support the Turdwaffle family to continue living in the manner to which these assholes have become accustomed. It’s your ticket to get to hebben with.

One last note about how these scumbags break every established norm for opting in or out on grifting Web sites. This campaign page animates the $15 level, while pre-selecting the $50 level and also pre-selecting two check boxes that make that $50 contribution monthly and add another $50 one time payment, just in case you have it to spare, but the only way you would notice this is if you scrolled down below the continue button where there’s something that reads "$50 monthly + $50 on 4/08.”