All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

DeSantis Signs Strict Stand Your Ground Anti-Abortion Law


Citizens Can Use Lethal Force On Mother To Rescue Helpless Fetus

For decades, Texas and Florida competed for the title of America’s Most Efficient Executioner.

Now that climate change will be wiping us out in 7-9 years, our nation of miserable fucks has turned to unrestricted gun sales to satisfy its healthy, patriotic blood lust, and the rivalry between these top shelf shit hole states has shifted to voter suppression and restricting a woman’s right to privacy and/or bodily autonomy.

Both Texas and Florida now have partial abortion bans that make it difficult, if not completely impossible, for a woman to rid herself of an unwanted or diseased fetus more than fifteen weeks after getting laid or whenever she discovers she is pregnant, whichever comes first.

In Texas, bounty hunters can rat out friends, family, and co-workers who are flushing potential GOP voters down the toilet and become eligible to win prizes and rewards worth $10 thousand or more. The law appears to be patterned after the pikeminnow bounty used on the Columbia River to protect migrating salmon and steelhead smolts from predatory politicians on their way to the ocean, although no one is certain what party, if any, represents the interest of the smolts, who really hate humans.

Not to be outdone, Florida has adapted its vigilante-based Stand Your Ground statute to allow licensed owners of American-made firearms to legally terminate anyone involved in an illegal abortion, if their implied purpose in initiating a citizen execution was solely to save the life of an unborn or unviable voter who might one day be persuaded to vote against their own self-interest, like their uneducated parents before them.

“The uneducated are not retarded,” said Gov Ron DeSantis (R-Word, FL) during the signing ceremony, “They know when they are being condesended down to upon. No one aborts the housewives of the rich and famous because of the Hollywood elites. Well, we’re not going to stand for it. The unwanted and unviable deserve the same chance to grow up to be as deplorable as any nor'eastern liberal.”