All The Gnus That Give Two Shits
Trump Plane Attempts Suicide
Right-Wing Engine Goes Tits Up After Leaving RNC Rally
Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and Vlad the Impudent’s favorite bubble-butt-boy, Dimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle, is now also facing pushback from inanimate objects who find his continued existence on this dying planet in our nation of miserable fucks an offense to the very laws of nature.
As Sir Isaac Oscar Newton once wrote in the margins of his fifth law of dumbo-dynamics, “for every fucking dimbulb American asshole, there is an equal and opposite sphincter yearning to unload on its owner.”
So it comes at no surprise that the NTSB’s preliminary findings into Saturday’s emergency landing of Turdwaffle’s escape pod after his deranged oratory in New Orleans suggest that the engine on the right wing of the Dasalte Flagellon 900 tore itself apart after the plane had gone little more than 50 miles “because it could no longer stand listening to the old fat fuck prattle on about his great border wall and how the 2020 election had been stolen ‘by the supports of those little nigger babies we should have lynched for what they would have liked to do in Central Park who are all grown up now.’”
Other passengers included Turdwaffle’s unique collection of lawyers on a stick, handfuls of attractive pussy he found on craigslist, his incredibly reliable African American, a handful of Oath Keepers, Proud Boys, and Three Percenters, the chief fund-raiser for “Justice For J6,” and a half dozen former Secret Service agents avoiding subpoenas for their involvement in the January 6, 2021 insurrection, Wayne LaPierre, and Jim Jordan.
The plane belonged to a Russian oligarch whose named you would recognize in a second who loaned it to the once and future douchebag after the Biden administration told Turdwaffle once again he could so longer use Air Force One for fund-raising and stroking the emoluments clause, because he wasn’t ever really the president, despite his friendship with Kim Jong Kardashian, Kanye Jair Bolsonara, Hot Rodrigo Duterte, Mohammed bin Salman “But You Can All Me Al” Saud, and Vlad the Impudent.
Turdwaffle’s own personal jet has been grounded for more than three years after sustaining multiple flats while plowing through Black Lives Matter protestors in Tulsa at a rally originally slated to coincide with the anniversary of that city’s most important racist massacre. A second plane was shot down over Little Beirut in Oregon by antifa and women’s libbers during the protests following the murder of George Floyd.
The engine failure is the fifth major mechanical failure in recent weeks that nearly rescued our nation of miserable fucks from Turdwaffle’s constant whining and the GOP’s shameless insistence that just because their base is a bunch of racist Nazis, it doesn’t mean they are not deserving of God’s love.
Maybe God will do a better job next time.