All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Why Repugnicunts Are Suddenly Banning Books


Looks Like Those Liberal Antifa Teachers Were Teaching The Kids In Their Classes How To Read! The Horror! The Horror!

Who could have ever predicted such a connection? Well I could, of course. I’ve told you so since the the early fifties, when I was elementary school.

At a recent school board meeting in Luyckanis, TN, one outraged parent, Julie Tongass, brandished a fully- loaded AR-15 as she condemned the Peavine Hollow School District for allowing elementary and secondary students to show a marked improvement in  reading comprehension and retention during the ongoing Democrat coronavirus hoax “that has just about ruint my small business as a supplier of uneducated concerned citizens opposed to the liberal woke agenda.”

Tongass said she didn’t send her children to public schools to learn how to read. It was the only childcare she could afford, and she didn’t see why they needed teachers at all. “I used to babysit,” Tongass claimed, and I didn’t push my education on those little children, some of which was not Christian nor illiterate.”

Tongass said she expected schools to teach “my younguns how to wait their turn for the potatos, recite The Pledge of Allegiance and the Ten Commandments of Rights from the Constitutiond, and never to take a knee during the National League Anthem. Schools should teach children how to be as great as their parents are, and their parents before them.

“You know I had to Google ‘cornhole’ because I played that game with my preacher in our backyard as a youngun, as did so many in my family going back to our days in the Bible, before we pilgrimated to the US, but according to Wikipedia, ‘cornhole’ is a sexual slang vulgarism for anus! Once a child learns about the anus, they can get fixated on the anal.”

As Tongass continued with her lambasting of critical anus theory, claiming that Wikipedia is promoting cornholing in middle school, with the complete approval of the president “who still hasn’t conceded to the real winner,” she felt compelled to say she is not related to Marjoe Faylure Gringo, “although I admit people do come up & ask at the mall if we was kin,” before launching into an extended oration fitting of a braindead transgender William F. Buckley or Terri Schiavo.

“I do not want my children to learn about anal sex in middle school,” Tongass snarled. “I never had anal sex, although God knows some have tried. I don’t want my kids having anal sex on the Internet. I want you to start focusing on Christian education, patriotism, and the consequences of not abiding by our laws!” She was still shouting as security trundled her out.

In red state after willfully ignorant red state, parents are insisting that the Constitution guarantees that so long as they believe things are not broken, nobody has any business trying to fix anything without a Constitutional amendment, which has worked so well in addressing the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) that few Americans who are not female and of a certain age and poopadoodle persuasion even remember what the ERA is.

“If God had meant for public schools to teach my children how to read,” said Gabriella Qualley Potatoe at a recent Toadsuck school board meeting in Valparaiso, “Why’d He give me the option to homeschool them, when I don’t have the sense He gave quick cook grits or antifa?”

The jury is out on that question.