All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

24 Hours Later


#IToldYouSo Nyah, Nyah, Nyah, Nyah

I’m sure if someone were to hack around on my now permanently suspended @DoctorFaustroll Twitter account around this time two years ago, you’d find a simple calculation of how many Americans would die of Turdwaffle’s Democrat coronavirus hoax if the Deep State managed to do everything right, despite the obstacles presented by the very fine people on both sides.

It was not a particularly optimistic prediction, but it has not yet been proven out of the realm of probability.

At the time, the disease was 70% effective in transmitting itself unless there was mitigation, such as masking and social distancing. Of those who contracted the disease, 2% died. So it goes.

Soon there were stories of refrigerated trucks on dead-end streets filling up with corpses of the uneducated. The jokes wrote themselves.

The worst case scenario would be if our entire nation of miserable fucks was also suffering from Terminal Dumb-Ass (TDA) — one of those uniquely American diseases for which there is — ironically — neither a cure nor a telethon.

My worst case scenario was 4.6 million dead little American boys and girls, but as it turned out this hoax was targetting hopelessly old farts, such as myself. Unfortunately for you, yah, I’ve been kind of socially distancing from all of you for half a century. I routinely get vaccinated. I don’t join clubs or gangs or parties. Are apologies in order? Who the fuck cares?

However, although I often come off as thinking only the worse about everyone, I have happened to meet several less than toxic Americans during my ludicrous lifetime. Americans are what I know. They are my specialty.

I have never left this nation of miserable fucks, except once to check out Canada, but does that reallly count as foreign travel? And the one thing I remember vividly on a rutted road in British Columbia was a painted sign that read: “Tread Lightly White Man. You Are On Lillooet Land.”

I have chosen to spend my entire here among my fellow American assholes because somebody has to document this great extinction event, and Che told me to hunker down in the belly of the beast. I am, after all, the founder of The Asshole Anti-Defamation League. Send me a request, and I’ll send you a membership card.

So here I am extolling the alternative virtues of the assholes of #AmericaFirst! who have made this great lost opportunity at human composting go to waste. I’m sure every country is run by equally great assholes, but I leave it to other assholes in other countries to concentrate their own assholes as I concentrate on mine.