All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Turdwaffle Claims Consecutive Privilege


Former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & everybody’s favorite killer konstitutional klown Donald J. Turdwaffle has invoked consecutive privilege to prevent Congress from investigating his role in the failed insurrection on January 6th, citing Fox News reports that he may be reinstated any day now. “You can’t ask a potentially sitting president about top secret conversations he may have held with the very fine people in his administration,” Turdwaffle wrote in a letter posted to Twitter by one of his spokesandroids.

“Consecutive privilege will be defended, not just on behalf of my Administration and the Patriots who worked beside me to stop the steal, but on behalf of the Office of the President of our very fine people, the dignity of man, and the destiny of my United States,” Trump wrote. “This is all so unfair that I am surprised I even have to write this.”

The theory of consecutive privilege was originally proposed by the founder of QAnon on GETTR. “Even more important than executive privilege, which protects the president from investigation for criminal or uncivil activity while in office, consecutive privilege is guaranteed in the Constitution,” Mr. Q argued in a post that has since been deleted, “to prevent rogue regimes from preventing Americans from using their Second Amendment rights to contest the results of an election in which more than 30% of Democrats vote. Democrats never vote in such unheard of numbers. If not for consecutive privilege, lawmakers could obtain evidence against a former president whose only crime was loving America too much.”

The country could not be reached for comment because the media was too busy reporting on the power struggle at Jeopardy.