All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Taliban Offers To Lease Seized Arms Back To U.S.


“We’re Only In It For The Money,” Says Shiekh Yerbouti

Assistant Communications Director for the Taliban, Shiekh Badr al-Din Yerbouti told jostling reporters outside Osama bin Laden International Airport this morning that the Taliban continues to abide by the terms of the 2020 peace accord they signed with former twice-impeached & unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle & his trusted companion Mikey “He’ll Eat Anything” Pompeo. 

“We are supply-side businessmen, like all Reaganish men of good will. We control the supply & create the demand, or the other way, I forget, but it doesn’t matter. What matters,” Yerbouti smiled broadly, “is that we possess nearly $28 billion in advanced American technology that we are willing to part with for 10 puls on the afghani, or a dime on the dollar as you infidels like to put it,” he continued, noting that the peace accord stipulates that to the victors go the spoils, & even Fox News agrees that the Taliban are the clear victors.

“Add to that the fact that possession is nine tenths of the law,” the spokesman said, “& I’m sure you’ll agree that we’re in a seller’s market. And I don’t mean your Peter!

Apparently no one has told the Taliban that Joe Biden is currently president, despite reinstatement day having come & gone, because Yerbouti complained that he had been unable to reach his good friend Donald Turdwaffle on Twitter or at the White House. “Has he gone on vacation? He stopped taking my calls back in January! We’ve lived up to our side of the bargain,” Yerbouti huffed, “& it’s time for your president to show the world he’s still knows how to deal or we sha.”