All The Gnus That Give Two Shits

Bush Twins Suspects In Fatal Crash


By Marshall Proust

The March of Mimes 

All The News To Give You Fits

Yossarian Universal News Service May 31 2001 9:32PM


NORTH LITTLE ROCK (YU) – Dubyamint twins Babs and Jenna Elfman Bush are being sought in connection with a chain reaction accident on I-30 that left more than 230,000 people dead and nearly one million injured. The under aged drinkers are believed to have started the accident when they tossed a Secret Service agent from their speeding Jetta. The Bushes are apparently on their way to Terra Haute, Indiana, where, according to close underage friends, “they plan to party hearty when their daddy puts McVeigh down on Flag Day.”

President Goober W. Bush is rumored to be planning a surprise visit Monday to administer the lethal injection to the Oklahoma City diversabomber.

Officials are calling the I-30 accident the worst vehicular disaster since the 1987 collision in Addis Ababa caused when the driver of an oxen-powered famine-relief cart swerved to avoid a life-sized dummy tossed from an overpass by vandals onto one of Ethiopia’s busiest thoroughfares. The official death toll in that catastrophe stands at 1,342,682, although many believe hundreds of thousands of missing are still buried beneath a pile of twisted wood and straw in that Central African nation.

The Bush twins have frequently been in the news in recent weeks as they attempt to establish careers as tabloid personalities.

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