Rep Says Democrats Are Trying To Steal His Job

Freshman insurrectionist Ashli Madison Holden Cawthorn (R-Word, NC) wept openly on a Fucked News special with Tucker Carlson asking his uneducated viewers: “Isn’t it about time we take back our constitution from the liberals and bring back our great heritage of being immigrant free by supporting a naitoinwide Freedom Convoy of concerned supply-side truckers?”

Cawthorn, who is widely rumored to lack the sense God gave weasels, is facing a legal challenge that may bar him from ever seeking office again for violating Section 3 of the 14th Amendment, which prohibits assholes who engage in insurrection or rebellion from running for office.

Cawthorn and much of the GOP, including a former twice-impeached inindicted co-conspirator, whose name you’d recognize in a second as part of a disorganized crime family currently under investigation in more than two dozen American jurisdictions, may be barred from seeking public office on planet Earth if the suit is successful.

“The libs and thugs are trying to make this a one-party globalistic cabal,” Cawthorn wailed, “and what about my rights as a disabled person, who could have been a Navy hero after I graduated from Annapolis, if they hadn’t discriminated against my wheelchair, which I need to scoot around to get from one talk show to another?”

Carlsen expressed outrage, asking: “Can the liberals really do this? Can heroic patriots, whose only crime is loving our democracy too much to let mail-in ballots destroy it, be barred from using their God-given Second Amendment rights to defend themselves and stand their ground against this disgusting surge at our Southern border?”

“They are actually pretty close to pulling it off,” Cawthorn replied. “Now what’s going on in North Carolina is that the State Board of Elections, a panel of five liberals, is asserting that they have the ability to bar millions of Americans in my district from being able to elect me again and again, to send me to Washington to be their weapon to fight against the deep state.

“What’s going on here is that they are actually very close to doing what they wanted to do after the Civil War,” Cawthorn added, “but were not able to do because of heroes like Jim Crow and Strom Thurman. And make no mistake, this is not just about a 26-year-old Christian patriot from western North Carolina in a wheelchair, this is about the future of our very nation.

“If they’re able to set this precedent in North Carolina, they will be able to keep anybody who had a vlid and legitimate reason to overturn the stolen election of 2020 from ever being able to hold office again, thus ending the America First movement.”

All the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge & Laundromat can say is it’s about time somebody shut these dumb motherfuckers up once and for all.