CDC Warns Of New Surges In Kansas City & Los Angeles After NFL-Sanctioned Super-Spreader Events


Who Were Those Unmasked Men & Women?

Promising that SuperBowl LVI will be the most infectious gathering of the like-minded since the Protestant Reformation unleashed the black plague on millions of unsuspecting European atheists, the NFL said that most of the survivors of Sunday’s games between the Chiefs/Bengals and Rams/49ers will be able to attend the February 13 Superbowl unmasked and crammed together like endangered North Pacific forage fish.

Earlier this morning, rumors surfaced on Spotify that the proudly uneducated’s favorite former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & America’s Got Whatever The Fuck This Shit Is Hitler-impersonator was threatening to make an appearance at halftime to offer pardons to anyone who will help him get reinstated by Valentine’s Day, thereby setting off a stampede among Turdwaffle supporters to get closer to God.

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