Ohmigod! It’s Time To Do Something Drastic!


Originally published by drfaustroll under Invective, Pataphysics, Phlakes, Phynality, Poopadoodle, Sedition February 10, 2009

I just received several frantic communications from the porkulus bloviators at NewsMax, who apparently don’t understand that I am already on a mission from God or a reasonable facsimile thereof to fully explore the OctoStory, which is easily the most earth-shattering tale of Divine Grace since the Schiavo-Schindler crisis, which forced The Decider to abandon his busy vacation schedule and rush back to Washington to sign emergency legislation authorizing his brother Jeb to act with extreme prejudice “to preserve the rights of those who are no longer with us from abandoning their right to life.” I don’t have time for petty politics.

But these pudwhackers are really angry about numerous issues having to do with things that don’t excite me, such as poopadoodle, Republicrats and Demoblicans, half-truths, injustice, and the American Way. To be fully less than half-truthful, very few things excite me anymore, but these fat frustrated Hummer knob polishers always give me a good chuckle, which keeps the blood pressure in check and makes me appreciate how wonderful it is not to be a complete idiot during this brief window of relative sanity in the terminal history of the NOMF™.

Seriously, these bunghole spelunkers are gunning for Arlo “One Bullet” Spector, Olympia “Nose Candy” Snow, and Susan “Tom” Collins. That’s like putting the hit out on Spiderman’s Aunt May. I have no idea when any of these targets are running for reelection, but I’m pretty sure that there is nothing any of the mad NewsMax zombie supporters can do over the next 20 months or so besides gather in huge clusters and hope the authorities will not have enough bullets to shoot them all in the head. Have these nasty-ass ignorant androids lost their damn minds?

And then there is the pathetic NewsMax refusal to accept the fact that al Franqen actually learned from illegal Rovian strategies in 2000, 2002, and 2004 and began mounting a counter-offensive beginning in 2006 which has caused the ignorant scum-sucking bottom-feeding pretenders to God’s heavenly throne to have to scrape and claw for the attention of marginally intelligent people who suspect that The Bible is work of fiction, written by power-hungry homosexuals who have abused their children for centuries.

Did I really submit that previous paragraph for publication to Ted Stevens’ InterWeb where it could be seen by anyone who might be wondering what the idea of giving up childish things might mean? Of course I did. I am not NewsMax. I don’t have anything to fear.

Especially not the rapidly deflating and hysterical pussies over at NewsMax. They sound like a bunch of fucking whiny ass liberals.

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