Obamination: The Quickening


Originally published by drfaustroll under Invective, Literary Terrorism, Pataphysics, Poopadoodle, Sedition Februry 21, 2009

Our story thus far: Even his most fervent supporters now admit (off the record, of course, because no one is authorized to comment on the obvious) that the fortunes of the first questionably black American president were severely impacted by his failure to return the nation to pre-Bush administration surpluses during his first day in office.

Revelations that some of his cabinet appointees made enough money before scurrying onto his bandwagon of hope and change that they could have simply forgotten to pay tens of thousands of dollars in self-employment taxes did nothing to help resurrect Obama’s severely tarnished image. Heading into week five of his term, Biraq is struggling to avoid impeachment.

According to Beltway insiders I was unable to contact for this story, part of President Obama’s inability to accomplish anything positive during his tenure has been the failure to recognize how powerful the NOMPH™ has become and how difficult it will be to recapture a vision of hope and change of our Floundering Farters when much of the nation of miserable phucks prefers to avoid responsibility and admit complicity in crimes against humanity that have been at the core of American domestic and foreign policy since well before his professed hero, Abraham “Hairball” Lincoln, came to office in 1860 with a mandate to make slavery more profitable and give a Negro to anyone who asked for one. Obviously, Lincoln failed miserably, leading the nation into a war that remains the number one killer of American service men and their concubines and which accomplished absolutely nothing.

Obama’s performance since bumbling through the oath with Chief Justice John “Bobblehead” Roberts, although masterful and well-presented (despite his grotesque and cartoonish ears), has failed to convince liberal pundits and ordinary talking sphincters on the street that it is better to be honorable, fair, just, and honest than it is to have the most powerful military and the most effective prison industrial complex the world has ever seen.

As one of my particularly astute co-workers recently put it: “If God had meant for life to be fair, why did he make so many poor people?”

I was unable to answer that question because I suppressed the urge to shove his ignorant head into the breakroom microwave and set it to breakfast roll. Fortunately, he was later run over by a bus while attempting to rescue a bag of Cheetos near the curb.

It is a sad commentary upon contemporary histrionics that the administration of Biraq Hussein Obama has all the indications of becoming another Shakespearean tragedy about confused black folks, such as Turd Blossom the Fourth, Shiney Othello, and Romeo Decider and Condoleeza.

To understand how this administration failed so miserably after wishing upon so many imaginary stars, we have to look back to the the days when Bush confidante Karl Turd Blossom Rove realized that Rush Half a Brain Shoved Up My Dumb Tookus Limbaugh had primed the populace to willingly embrace the promise of citizenship in the nation of miserable phucks by creating his platoons of mindless of dittoheads, mental and moral defectives who were not quite brain-eating zombies but who possessed many of the qualities that make brain-eating zombies so desirable when attempting to create a new political reality that would vote for artificial smegma if asked to.

Obama’s most vulnerable blind spot was failing to understand what a powerful force the braindead army of dittoheads had become while Turd Blossom manipulated the liberal media to flagellate itself while withholding the contents of the August 6th PDB that would have given even marginally competent security personnel time to thwart the bin Laden ordered al Franqen attacks on New York, Washington, and a state whose name escapes us at the moment. It’s a place where people gladly stand on their heads in pools of feces. If you’ve lived there or know anybody from there, please jog my memory.

As the economy continues to tank and the president is forced to pull troops out of one failed military adventure to bolster the occupation of another country that has traditionally kicked the fecal stuffing out of whatever arrogant superpower is stupid enough to have at it, we have to come to terms with the possibility that President Obama will be impeached before the midterm elections in 2010 and replaced with Sarah Palin and Rod Blagojevcich, who are no longer contributing embryos to the Fantastic Fourtility Clinic, citing a conflict of interest.

Up Next: Did Rush Limbaugh supply Michelle Obama with oxycondin? If not, why not? Wouldn’t you?

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