Writes the Wrongs
Doc Ock And Octomom Deny Bile Farm Involvement
Originally published by drfaustroll under Invective, Pataphysics, Phleghmish Masters, Poopadoodle, Sedition February 10, 2009
A spokeslawyer for Dr. Otto Octavius of the Fantastic Fourtility Clinic in Lomo Linda, California, could not be reached for comment on a Yossarian Universal News Service report today claiming he had enlisted serial mother Dody Decker-Hedron to run a state-of-the-art bile farm to export goods to the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) market on the mainland.
An unnamed source familiar with news reports surrounding the January octuplet birthing event would neither confirm nor deny reports that Ms. Decker-Hedron had originally suggested the lucrative business opportunity to Dr. Octavius after reading reports on illegal bear bile harvesting in China that often leaves its victims unable to speak or do simple math problems without human intervention.
“I’d go with Republicans, you ask me,” said a high-ranking conspiracy theorist who refused to speak on camera, when prodded to comment on whether he thought Americans would be comfortable supporting bile harvesting within the territorial United States. “They are easily some of the bilest people on the planet, and I bet you can get as much foul liquid from one aggravated Republican as you can from torturing a half a dozen bears.”
A nearby homeless panhandler agreed. “You ever been to NewsMax.com? You could tap that place for virtual bile to sell to the virtual TCM. You can buy Sarah Palin calendars there where she is fully clothed and carrying a shotgun. Think about it. Does that make you want to give me some spare change?”
Meanwhile, alleged visitors to the Bloviator Bile Farm pilot project found conditions to be abhorrent, noting that porkulus Republicans were kept in cages where bile was extracted from their gallbladders twice a day through surgically implanted tubes manufactured in Mexico.
This milking process produces 20–60 ml. of foul-smelling bile each session. Milking is clearly painful to the Republicans, who often gnaw on their own knuckles during the process, although their bitching and moaning remains consistent with their normal day to day political discourse.
Officials in the Obama administration declined to comment on this story, choosing instead to clean up the stuff that blew out of their noses while listening to our questions, off the record, of course.