Ashli Madison Cawthorn To Wage First Totally Tweeted Campaign

Sep 17, 2021

Promises To Make Idiots A Protected Class

North Carolina junior Reprehensative Ashli Madison Cawthorn hopes his Twitter followers will reelect him to a second well-paying term to prove that government should not be reserved for people with measurable intelligence and a useful skill set.

“We’re not all born equal,” the apprentice insurrectionist told supporters at a Burger King drive-through this morning. “It’s the Constitution that grants us our equality, and the Constitution was written by people who look like us and think like us, so why are we not a protected class?”

Great questions deserve great minds,” he concluded.

Meanwhile, a couple of Tik Tok Teens let the air out of Ashli’s wheelchair tires.