Republicans Threaten To Sue Climate For Costs of Change

Jul 13, 2021

“The NRA Owns Broadcast Rights To All US Mass Casualty Events Through The 2024-25 Fire Season” Repugnicunts Argue In Court Filing

Claiming that climate catastrophists are diminishing the value of their brand, the GOP & NRA joined forces today to accuse the mainstream media of trademark dilution by calling the recent record-breaking temperatures in the Pacific Northwest caused by an unprecedented deadly heat dome a “mass casualty event.”

Several hundred people are believed to have succumbed to the heat in late June, with additional corpses being added to the climate change body count as aadditional victims are pulled from affordable housing units where neighbors have begun complaining about the stench.

“Is this a bad situation? Sure. Nobody likes to deal with piles of dead bodies. But is it a mass casualty event like the 2017 Las Vegas massacre?” NRA spokesbully Brutus Iscariot asked an audience of Boy Scouts at the annual Jamboree. “I’d argue that these climate fatalities are more like individual suicides brought about by the naivete of average Americans with average American family values not coming to grips with a world that does not give a whole lot of fucks about anything, you especially, you whiny little turds!

“What I’m saying is even 100 thousand dead from a deep freeze or a heat dome does not compare to the personal brutality of several extended magazines in the hands of a committed protector of our sacred 2nd Amendment rights.”

The NRA has issued a series of cease & desist letters to public & private entities forbidding them from using the phrase “mass casualty event” unless it involves one or more bad guys with guns.