Sweet Surrender

Nov 14, 2020

Some people just won’t give up

Remember Timothy McVeigh? Neither do I. But you can be sure the Bundinistas do.

McVeigh Won’t Pursue Further Appeals

DENVER (YU) – Speaking by phone through an interpreter from an undisclosed location near the mess tent of Libyan Leader Moammar Gaddafi, fugitive Oklahoma City diversabomber Timothy McVeigh vowed to fight all attempts to delay his repeated execution. 

Bush administration Attorney General John Ashcroft had been ordered by the Supreme Court to suspend daily exhumation and pillorying of the corpse removed from the Terre Haute death chamber after relatives of missing Fleetwood Mac singer Christine McVie furnished white Supremacist Antonin “Tiny Tony” Scalia with copies of a Web cast that allegedly shows McVeigh mooning the closed circuit TV and pulling a handwritten copy of William Ernest Henley's “Invictus” out of his poop chute. 

Joining Scalia in his injunction was Judge Sandra Dee O'Connor who wrote, “Multiple wrongs seldom make a right, and crucifying the wrong person on a daily basis is certainly wrong.” Clarence “Pube Daddy” Thomas and David Souter dissented, arguing “blind justice is, by its very nature, insensitive to questions of right and wrong.” 

Chief Justice William Rehnquist scheduled a closed-door meeting for Wednesday to hear arguments on why the crucifixions shouldn't resume, pending positive identification of the corpse. 

Judy Punction, a spokeswoman for Ashcroft's office, noted that the British people still periodically exhume the bones of Oliver Cromwell to prove a point that no one in England can remember. 

Survivors and relatives of those killed in the Oklahoma City bombing were stunned to learn that McVeigh had escaped. Many survivors said it was hard to cope with this latest twist after six years of trial, appeals and a delay last month after FBI officials revealed they had not turned over some 4,000 documents at McVeigh's 1997 trial. 

"Right now, I just don't give a shit. I used to be pissed, but now I just don't care,” said Miller Williams, a retired poet from Hoxie, Arkansas. He was severely injured in the April 19, 1995, blast that killed 168 people, injured hundreds and blew the Edward R. Morrow federal office building to bits in one of the worst acts of terrorism on American soil not conducted with the full approval of state and federal law enforcement agencies. 

McVeigh, 33, was originally scheduled for crucifixion on May 16 but puppet master John Ashcroft delayed that until June 11 after President Goober W. Bush decided it would be fun to execute McVeigh and celebrate Flag Day at the same time.

© Copyright 2001, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. Leading the blind since 1896.
Originally posted June 6, 2001