Our Nation Of Miserable Fucks Really Loves Its Racist Grifters

Before I finally managed to provoke Twitter into permanently suspending my thankless ass for conduct unbecoming an Internet denizen, I used to get routinely shadowbanned, paused, search suggestion banned, suspended, timed-out, deboosted, or otherwise amused by the intern pool assigned to monitor whatever NDAs I was violating or insane shit I was sharing that I found in my Nazi junk e-mailboxes.

It wasn’t even my shit I was getting nailed for. In fact, it was usually THEIR shit, not that it matters. Matter is merely the least interesting form of energy. Google Einstein for details.

Some of it was purely evil Capitalist twaddle, usually with a little genocidal Christianity mixed in. Some was clearly intended to Bullet™-blend the pureed brain matter in America’s Heavily-Armed Least Educated And Totally Untalented. You know who you are.

All of the stuff I was blowing the whistle on  seemed disingenuous at best, illegal at worst, but Twitter determined I was the bad guy, as Billie Eilish often refers to my thankless ass without having yet read our Terms of Disservice.

Here’s a little something I got from alleged cokehead Donald J. Turdwaffle, Jr. as recently as yesterday. It’s another of those deceptive fund-raising e-mails linked to a bullshit “survey” designed to make the stupidest nimrod in America pause momentarily from polishing his pistol or nob and dream of the day when he might be allowed to shoot his uppity neighbors to make American great again.

It’s the kind of scam the Turdwaffles and the GOP have been repeatedly warned against perpetrating, but that won’t stop them, because they are on a crusade to reestablish their great heritage by asking if  slavery was really so bad that we have to talk about critical race theory? Seriously? You’d censor a highly effective economic system that forms the foundation of Old Rummy Reagan’s supply-side plantation economy?

Fie upon you who cast aspersions upon the monstrously great heritage of which so many in the overwhelming minority have been emboldened to express. This would never have been happening if God hadn’t died and left the GOP in charge.

Some of you have even been  tearing down all these great statues of heroes of our classic American family values, so fuck you, you woke liberals. There will be no woke section in heaven. Ask Pat Roberston you don’t believe me.

This post is a collection of screenshots from Cokie Turdwaffle’s e-mail and related links, with occasional Fuckhead Carlsonesque rectumoracle questions intended to titillate while grabbing a few handfuls of repressed Repugnicunt pussy. When you’re a terrorist, they let you do it. You can do anything.

Does this kind of life look interesting to you, as a Kirby vacuum salesman in a comedy group??

Recently, many people have been asking why I’m so negative all the time, so those people will be glad to hear I positively responded to this e-mail with a big bold Fuck You Junior! to the e-mail before taking the survey, which was really hard because everything was already chosen for me.

In this e-mail, for example, the YES is not only pre-selected, it is also animated and winks at you like an angry inflamed asshole that just realized its owner taught it how to talk in a foreign language that only extinct people understand.

If God had meant for people to speak in foreign languages, why did He create Americans? Not tonight, dear, you on Fox!

Next comes the survey itself. You can participate in this entertaining time-wasting trend as our species chooses extinction over smaller profit margins for the people who own us by clicking this link or copying the following URL and pasting it into your browser.

https://secure.winred.com/save-america-joint-fundraising-committee/trump-vote-3x/?amount=50&utm_medium=email_hf&utm_source=mc_na_na&utm_campaign=20220309_trump-3rd-time-vote-poll-sms-record_donaldtrumpjr_saveamerica&utm_content=survey_cpyrs_ncl2630&_nlid=HBQbWvdD7k&_nhids=6WXGcdAVdB&exitintent=true

Oh yeah, the $250 box is animated to entice uneducated nimrods to click it, and you can’t click Continue to see what fresh hell awaits you until you select a donation amount. If you want to just say “fuck this shit” and move on to other less toxic time-wasting trends, the Winred site will projectile vomit this wad of puke in your face: