Our Nation Of Miserable Fucks Really Loves Its Racist Grifters

Before I finally managed to provoke Twitter into permanently suspending my thankless ass for conduct unbecoming an Internet denizen, I used to get routinely shadowbanned, paused, search suggestion banned, suspended, timed-out, deboosted, or otherwise amused by the intern pool assigned to monitor whatever NDAs I was violating or insane shit I was sharing that I found in my Nazi junk e-mailboxes.

It wasn’t even my shit I was getting nailed for. In fact, it was usually THEIR shit, not that it matters. Matter is merely the least interesting form of energy. Google Einstein for details.

Some of it was purely evil Capitalist twaddle, usually with a little genocidal Christianity mixed in. Some was clearly intended to Bullet™-blend the pureed brain matter in America’s Heavily-Armed Least Educated And Totally Untalented. You know who you are.

All of the stuff I was blowing the whistle on  seemed disingenuous at best, illegal at worst, but Twitter determined I was the bad guy, as Billie Eilish often refers to my thankless ass without having yet read our Terms of Disservice.

Here’s a little something I got from alleged cokehead Donald J. Turdwaffle, Jr. as recently as yesterday. It’s another of those deceptive fund-raising e-mails linked to a bullshit “survey” designed to make the stupidest nimrod in America pause momentarily from polishing his pistol or nob and dream of the day when he might be allowed to shoot his uppity neighbors to make American great again.

It’s the kind of scam the Turdwaffles and the GOP have been repeatedly warned against perpetrating, but that won’t stop them, because they are on a crusade to reestablish their great heritage by asking if  slavery was really so bad that we have to talk about critical race theory? Seriously? You’d censor a highly effective economic system that forms the foundation of Old Rummy Reagan’s supply-side plantation economy?

Fie upon you who cast aspersions upon the monstrously great heritage of which so many in the overwhelming minority have been emboldened to express. This would never have been happening if God hadn’t died and left the GOP in charge.

Some of you have even been  tearing down all these great statues of heroes of our classic American family values, so fuck you, you woke liberals. There will be no woke section in heaven. Ask Pat Roberston you don’t believe me.

This post is a collection of screenshots from Cokie Turdwaffle’s e-mail and related links, with occasional Fuckhead Carlsonesque rectumoracle questions intended to titillate while grabbing a few handfuls of repressed Repugnicunt pussy. When you’re a terrorist, they let you do it. You can do anything.

Does this kind of life look interesting to you, as a Kirby vacuum salesman in a comedy group??

Recently, many people have been asking why I’m so negative all the time, so those people will be glad to hear I positively responded to this e-mail with a big bold Fuck You Junior! to the e-mail before taking the survey, which was really hard because everything was already chosen for me.

In this e-mail, for example, the YES is not only pre-selected, it is also animated and winks at you like an angry inflamed asshole that just realized its owner taught it how to talk in a foreign language that only extinct people understand.

If God had meant for people to speak in foreign languages, why did He create Americans? Not tonight, dear, you on Fox!

Next comes the survey itself. You can participate in this entertaining time-wasting trend as our species chooses extinction over smaller profit margins for the people who own us by clicking this link or copying the following URL and pasting it into your browser.

https://secure.winred.com/save-america-joint-fundraising-committee/trump-vote-3x/?amount=50&utm_medium=email_hf&utm_source=mc_na_na&utm_campaign=20220309_trump-3rd-time-vote-poll-sms-record_donaldtrumpjr_saveamerica&utm_content=survey_cpyrs_ncl2630&_nlid=HBQbWvdD7k&_nhids=6WXGcdAVdB&exitintent=true

Oh yeah, the $250 box is animated to entice uneducated nimrods to click it, and you can’t click Continue to see what fresh hell awaits you until you select a donation amount. If you want to just say “fuck this shit” and move on to other less toxic time-wasting trends, the Winred site will projectile vomit this wad of puke in your face:

 If you click the Other box thinking you could contribute a half penny and let the fuckers spend hundreds to earn pennies, you’d be shit out of luck because the field only allows you to enter whole numbers.

I entered “1,” and confirmed that the information under the Continue button updated to $1 Monthly + $1 on 3/22, because the Turdwaffles force you to choose NOT to contribute.

For those who are proud enough to possess the typical American attention span of a gnat, Turdwaffle was forced to refund nearly $122 million to supporters in 2020 for using exactly the same opt-out scam.

I only vaguely wonder exactly what these assholes are fund-raising for? All these Repugnicunt assholes look, smell, and sound the same. Is this a a personalized GoFundMe effort? Turdwaffle is not a candidate and there is no indication where any of the money raised is going, except to the Turdwaffles, who apparently believe they are the America that needs saving. Where is the FEC examination of this bullshit?

I hear many of you asking: “What is an FEC and where do I get one?” Beats the hell out of me, but I felt the need to journey on for God and His feckless cuntery.

Full disclosure: I could have checked the Retired box, but I still get nearly daily recruitment e-mails asking if I am still the same irritatingly literate terrorist who dreamt of becoming a literary terrorist while still a tap-dancing munchkin in the Wizard of Oz? I do not answer these e-mails, because where’s the fun in that?

Click Continue and you’ll finally arrive at that great big beautiful border wall, where only legtimate credit card numbers curated in the extensive Turdwaffle alternative financial database are acceptable.

If you attempt to enter an invalid credit card number or other unacceptable information, suspect fields will display in red and you will not be able to proceed without committing voter fraud, financial fraud, or both, because that’s The American Way!

I suspect if I proceeded much beyond this step I would run afoul of several statutes that I would probably go to jail for because I have a bad attitude.

The really interesting thing about this particular survey, however, is the lengthy disclaimer information at the bottom of the first page of the survey form. It disappears once you have committed to tipping the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator and America’s favorite pompous plump pimp.

Here it is in its entirety  followed by a few questions and some commentary about what it says.

Have you ever read anything so thrilling?

This is some grade-A prime horse exhaust. There is no way of knowing where contributions are going once they get to the Save America Joint Funding Raising Committee, beyond some mumbo jumbo about donations being split with 90% going to Save America and 10% going to MAGAPac.

In other words, 100% is going to former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & cosmic idiot Dimwit Donald J. Turdwaffle and the familial crooks he helped sire, anyone else he might need to pay off or buy the silence of.

You get what you pay for, and some assholes love paying to get screwed.