This Creep Is Embarrassing The Great Empire We Are Working To Make Great Again

In a letter to the late Rupert Murdoch, Chad Putin, no relation to Russian strongman Vlad The Impudent, suggested Murdoch tone down Carlsen’s adolescent rhetoric “before he says something we all regret.”

We thought about contacting the Kremlim to find out what this quotation might portend, but suddenly we were run over by a truck.

Ironically or not, the letter was returned “Moved. Left No Forwarding Address.”