Trump Weighs Military Options

As the Cyber Ninja recount in Arizona continues to find new evidence that Democrat UFOs may have altered mail-in ballots in the November election, former president Donald Jefferson Turdwaffle has pivoted from baseless conspiracy theories of election fraud to questionable allegations of extraterrestrial meddling the 2020 election.

According to former first lady Melania Turdwaffle, the former unindicted co-conspirator’s blog, From The Desk Of Donald J. Turdwaffle, was fired after only 21 days, “for failure to perform. Donald demands that everyone perform! The American people have not been performing to Donald’s expectations, so he is now committed to making them get their minds right so that we can avoid these unfortunate failures to communicate in our glorious future.”

Republican leadership applauds the move, saying it shows Mr. Turdwaffle’s willingness to entertain bipartisan solutions that may ensure his reinstallation on August 16, 2021.