Farm Worker Fired For Improper Sunscreen Choice

May 31, 2021

Dismissed For Cultural Apppropriation

As woke & unwoke participants in Western civilization slowly come to grips with the lunacy of our past 4,000 years of human history, the culture wars have now even infiltrated the realms of workplace safety & anti-harassment regulations.

Pedro Dias Mechanica, an Ecuardoran migrant who could easily pass for white, was fired from his job as a strawberry extraction technician on Monday when he arrived at work with a noticeably darker skintone than on his photo ID.

In fact, according to a statement released by Goerring Growers, Mechanicas appearance was described as “a lot like young Michael Jackson before he starting injecting bleach.”

Like most contract exploitation operations in our supply side plantation economy, Goerring requires all employees to arrive for work 15 minutes early for application of the proprietary company-required sunscreen, unless they purchase a supply from the company store and apply their own sunscreen before reporting.

Mechanica had chosen to apply his own, but purchased an over-the-counter ointment at Walmart developed for & marketed to BIPOC people. Naughty Nightshade™, is a 74 SBF film that is “guaranteed not to cover your natural beauty,” according to marketing materials. Unfortunately, when applied to a person with little or no skin pigmentation, it tends to function like an extreme version of ManTan.

The effect in Mechanica’s case was to make it appear he was wearing blackface, which is a crime punishable by extrajudicial lynching in some jurisdictions. Mechanica protested it was not his fault that Walmart’s formulation of the Georring lotion did not function as promised & he needed the job.

Goebbels agreed that the situation was unfortumate & that Mechanica was easily one of the best underpaid employees he has ever had slave for him, “and I’ve been straw-bossing northern work crews & southern chain gangs since the early fifties. It’s a shame about Pedro, but rules are rules, & if we let one of these wetbacks get away with this, no matter how hard he works, pretty soon them others will be wanting the same thing. Then where will we be?”

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