Rittenhouse Vows To Protect Kenosha When Acquitted

Nov 18, 2021

Judge Ricky Schroeder Passes Note To Jury

An authorized spokesperson for Kylie Rittenhouse, the AR15 wielding white teen avenger on trial for killing two protestors & wounding a third, told a gaggle of  free-press reporters assigned the news & entertainment ephemeral services sector that Rittenhouse was two badges shy of the 13 required to earn the rank of Eagle Scout.

“He came to Kenosha to fulfill the requirements of both the Personal Management & Citizenship in the Nation merit badges,” said Marjoe Greene, who asked to remain anonymous. “You could imagine the planning it took for a teenager to illegally procure  a fire arm to use in an alleged crime that required him to travel across state lines to reinforce his right to claim self-defense. He is clearly wise beyond his years.”

Greene also shared that America’s favorite right-wing vigilante wants to assure jurors that if they are reluctant to acquit him because of threats of violence “by a violent liberal minority unafraid of confronting armed men with nothing more than their words,” that they should not worry. "He is sworn to protect Kenosha until the last thuggish Black Lives Matter rioter is cleared from the streets.”

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