Tweets from Cassandra Widdershin's Blood Lion
Man Killed For Cheating At Wordle
Feb 27, 2022
He Thought It Was A Joke. So Who’s Laughing Now?
Wordle finally turned deadly this weekend, joining a long and colorful line of time-wasting trends that helped make our short stay at the top of the food chain one of the most deadly, pointless, and immoral epochs in planet Earth's never-ending search for truth, justice, and The American Way.
No one is quite sure how our planet became doomed to repeat the same tragicomic Guignol over and over to an audience of no one person with the sense God gave to Karen, the anorexic amoeba.
Many experts have concluded that the Earth is a dumb kinda name, but this is one place where God has done journeyman work, because He named it all right, because all of us assholes behave the same.
We are dumb all over, near and far, dumb all over, when we drive our cars, dumb all over, black and white, assholes, we is not wrapped tight.
If you want to know where I stole much of the previous paragraphs, click this link for Dumb All Over from Them Or Us, which was released during the blithering rule of Old Rummy Ronald Reagan, the nicest Christian apocalyptian you’d ever want to meet, and Americans just loved him. He was The One Minute President for our One Minute Times.
Hell, uneducated Americans loved the Old Rummy so much, in 2016, instead of electing the competent woman, they flocked to his intellectual heir, the only twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator & failed insurrectionist in the entire critically-acclaimed racist theory of our ludicrous nation of miserable fucks…
Oops. Where was I when I wrote those previous thoughts and what the fuck was I thinking? Didn’t I understand the consequences of cheating at Wordle?
I know a guy who knows a guy who has an iPad with a current streak of 244, all of them at 1 on the Guess Distribution bar. He doesn’t even play Wordle. He’s a rich old fat white fuck who thinks he rules the world.
He has interns play for him on multiple devices, all assigned to the unique GUID he employs throughout the metaverse, and I’m pretty sure he paid to kill the other guy, mentioned in the first paragraph of this unexpectedly long story about where we are headed, despite all the questions we ask.
I never said I cheated. I said he thought it was a joke, and by he I mean someone you needn’t trouble yourself worrying about. He was a thief, a scoundrel, a cheat at Wordle, for Christ’s sake! How could there be anything worse?!
Suddenly, the night was torn by the ratatattat of automatic Second Amendment fire…