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Biden Says He Who Dies With The Most Toys No Longer Wins
Sep 23, 2021
Calls Former Guy A Fucking Asshole
As a new poll of unlikely voters shows President Biden’s approval raitings plunging among those uneducated independent voters in Depends pants, America’s oldest fossilized leader has stepped up his criticism of whoever left the White House in “a fucking mess. He turned it into a real dump that may take years to clean up and restore.”
Donald J. Turdwaffle, a twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator, apparently left piles of used adult diapers in a file cabinet in the Oval Office and had over-sized TV screens installed in all the bathrooms. The former failed führer spent most of his executive time in these bathrooms, studying Fox News for coded messages containing policy guidance.
“There’s a putt-putt course in the master bath for the Lincoln Bedroom,” fumed Mr. Biden “which the former guy renamed the George Lincoln Rockwell Boudoir with a gold engraved plaque affixed to the door. There’s even a goddamn donation box outside where visitors are expected to leave campaign donations to Stop The Steal!”