CDC & DHS To Conduct Root Cause Analysis

After unnamed sources released a report suggesting that the excess deaths over the background body count indicates more than 900,000 Americans have already succumbed to the Kung Flu, the NRA now insists that the recent surge in gun violence may be yet another symptom of long haul COVID, making the entire coronavirus hoax one of the most deadly to impact this nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) since the War of Northern Aggression.

There have been at least 62 mass shootings so far this May in the lead-up to the usual uptick in Memorial Day weekend, traditionally the second most violent of all American consumer holidays. The NRA is offering full-body projectile protection vests at cost plus $30 for shipping & pussy grabbing.