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Nimrod Files Class Action Suit To Void Social Media Posts From Evidence

Dec 13, 2021

They’re Coming To Take Away My First Amendment Rights!

Durwood Mildude Dampfass was sentenced to three months in jail after pleading guilty “to crimes I couldn’t commit because of The Constitution which I am sworn to uphold.” He now claims he was tricked by “the criminally justice system” into thinking that “three months was a whole lot less than ninety days, which is what I got for my trouble.”

Now Dampass has filed suit against “The Criminal Justice Industrial Complex” after citing comments by  judge Abe Solomon that he weighed the social media posts of rioters when handing down jail time.

“See,” said Dampass, pausing the clip, “That right there. That’s prejudice and discrimination against me for things I said & did that are protected by the First Amendment. You can’t hold people accountable for things the Constitution says they ought to be able to do without the government jumped all over their asses.”

Dampass argues that the founding fathers never intended for people to be charged with crimes just for admitting to them in a public forum. 

In other words, Mr. Dampfass appears to be arguing that if God had meant for criminals to be convicted for things they did when everybody was watching, why bother with a criminal justice system at all? Just lock up every stupid motherfucker who opens his stupid motherfucking mouth.

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