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My Pillow Guy Continues His Epic Quest

Oct 6, 2021

Mike Lindell Knocking On Doors To Uncover Dead Democrat Voters

If after the first thousand times you don’t succeed, My Pillow CEO & Donald J. Turdwaffle’s favorite colonic polyp is the leader you need & deserve.

Having failed after 10 months to find a single incident of voter fraud during the 2020 presidential election that did not involve Repugnicunts, little Mikey has embarked on a new effort to prove most Democrat voters are dead & any votes they cast in 2020 should be tossed out, “so we can reinstate the real winner of this disgraceful exercise in democracy,” making air quotes when murmuring the final word.

Lindell is convinced that most Democrats died during the early years of Reagan administration, leaving the country in sole possession of Nazis & supply-side plantation owners.

The few remaining living Democrats have been using the voter registrations of the dead as surrogate voters to convince uneducated Americans that Democrats are in the majority, when “that cant be true, because Republicans have been in charge of the United States for 40 years, getting richer, and making America great, despite occassional setbacks.

"We’re not going to let a bunch of zombies keep us from remaining in power until the planet is no longer habitable & we have established our new Repulican Republic on Mars, under the watchful eye of our great Space Force.”

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