Please Mr. Custer

When I was a kid, I loved novelty songs, the sillier the better. From “Purple People Eater” to “Ahab The Arab” to endless comedy compilations where dumb stories were told using snippets from popular doo-wop songs, I couldn’t laugh hard or long enough at what I heard on the radio, so I was making up my own versions of popular songs to the horror & disdain of my teachers, counselors, family, & neighbors.

I memorized Jerry Lewis’s “One Hen Two Ducks” routine so well I could recite the entire thing in reverse. We would sing “Big Ass Lil,” our version of “Big John” at Steinway Park.

I routinely tweet mutilated songs on Twitter, like these:

The zomby flu is always a good hum.

Bob Zimmerman Meats the Beatles...

Mmmm, mmmm, good.

I like my religious songs served cold.

I should have died a long long time ago...