And Who The Fuck Cares?
These are the kinds of questions Hamlet would be babbling about after a little too much weed, but seriously, what is Wordle? I decided to find out, so you won’t have to waste your time doing what I was put on this dying planet for!
Whether it is noble to continue working these dead-end jobs we despise, or unzip & piss into the wind of antisocial personal responsibility makes me want to stab Polonius through the arras.
Here’s what I understand so far from my fragmented attention span.
Everybody is writing about Wordle.
You can’t escape reading about Wordle.
If you Google “What is Wordle,” Google laughs at you and calls you a Luddite.
Please cheat at Wordle like they cheat at everything else.
Wordle uses a lot of 5-letter words because it doesn’t want to offend anyone by being shorter, on the one hand, or be too hard for most of the American public, on the other.
Somebody built an app to cheat at Wordle. There may have been thousands of people who wrote apps to cheat at Wordle, but one got on Apple’s App Store for awhile, nearly causing the total collapse of the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation (AMOD) as was reported from the International Space Station.
Apple removed the app from the App Store for violating the 14th Amendment or the Seventh Commandment or some other thing I may one day claim I’ve never read, suspecting most of you have never read it either.
The rules to Wordle are simple, assuming you have an electronic device on which to play the game. This is not your older bother’s word game.
If you were expecting to play with a sheet of paper and a pencil or pen you are shit out of luck, Luddite!
You have 6 tries to guess the daily 5 letter word.
All guesses must be valid words contained within the Wordle cosmic database of acceptable 5-letter words intended neither to offend or be beyond the skill level of the typical uneducated homeschooled 7th grader.
When you submit a guess, Wordle assigns colors to the individual letters in your guess.
If a square turns green, it means the letter in that square is in the exact position of the day’s word.
A gray square means the letter is not anywhere in the word.
A yellow square indicates the letter appears somewhere in the word.
I’ve only played one game — a couple of minutes ago, in fact — and guessed the word in 4 tries. The word was “Light,” despite my affinity for darkness.
Wordle 226 4/6
It appears that after you have won or lost one daily battle to find any meaning in life, you have to wait hours (my counter currently says 07:40:39) until you can devote another portion of the time you have to waste on wasting time for a particular purpose, which is what Wordle has apparently become for a significant portion of our so-called educated population not actively engaged in attempting to end American democracy, but it is what it is, I guess.
Thus ends another hour of community service at the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, & Laundromat.