A Few Words To The Wise Asses

Instagram & Facebook Deny Involvement In Missouri High School Slavery Petition, Add Prayer Tools


Students Hope To Reinstituting Slavery will Solve America’s Race & Labor Shortage Problems

Students in Riverside, Missouri, won the deplorable approval of former president Turdwaffle yesterday when he told Sean Hannity “our very fine people continue trying to make America great again, can’t you believe it? no matter that antifa and the thugs running wild in anarchist jurisdictions & Democrats stealing our elections,” the feckless führer said, while praising an online petition at Park Hill South High School calling for the reinstatement of slavery.

“Reinstatement!” the former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator shouted gleefully into his iPhone. “Reinstatement, Sean! It is such a great word for our times. I’ve been hearing more and more about reinstatement these days. I wonder what Frederick Douglass thinks about reinstatement. I keep hearing good things about him. Shouldn’t everyone be asking that question?”

The reinstatement petition has spurred outrage in this Kansas City suburb where black students comprise roughly 12% of the student population, most of them recruited to play football and basketball, or play in the Black Panther Marching Band.

Here is the complete wording of the petition as it appeared on the PHS High School Civic Commitments web page before it was removed by an angry mob of antifa and Black Lives Matter activists who burned Missouri’s Internet to the ground in a fit of rage:

Petition To Renegotiate The Fake Emancipation Proclamation &  Reinstate Slavery  To Improve Employment & Solve The Critical Race Theory Controversy

In today’s woke society, no one wants to call attention to the rampaging elephant in the room. That being this plague of The Blacks. There is no productivity from a large percentage of this lazy minority. A minority that causes more damage than the entire overwhelming white majority of the population of the United States. Nobody has ever been treated as badly as the whites. We, the Black Panthers of PHS, hereby submit the wildly popular idea ouf our American Family Values that we reinstate slavery so as to rebuild the great heritage we once had that has been lost. Lost because of the bad hombres who have taken it away from us. What was so bad about slavery? We had full-employment. Nobody was homeless, and everyone knew whose side you were on: OUR SIDE! So we call upon all good Missourians to support our call for a reinstatement of slavery to see what all the fuss was about.

Facebook and Instagram became embroiled in the controversy when PHS students used their timelines and IG posts to steer a new crop of uneducated Dixiecrats to the petition, which amassed nearly 3 million signatures in less than 24 hours.

The companies had previously been implicated in human trafficking schemes by Apple, who ignited the personal computer revolution in the 1970s with the Apple II and reinvented the personal computer in the 1980s with the Macintosh, which in turn created the rise of Socialist Media. Apple threatened to ban the apps from the App Store if they did not do more to halt the slave trade on their platforms.

The companies responded that Apple was “over-reacting to our new insanely inclusive jobs board. No one on Facebook or Instagram is forced to buy or sell people to remain active members. We remain committed to innovation and disruption & our human resources tools use the finest supply-side algorithms to match people seeking alternative employment opportunities to positions that provide a living wage, housing, and routine maintenance, encouraging all good Americans to pull together to do what’s right.

Facebook has even launched new prayer tools to make Americans greater by offering US megachurches the chance to raise funds and listen to prayer requests from its paying parishioners so that embarrassments like this can stop happening. 

The latest row over human servitude began in 2019 when ONAN reported that human traffickers in the American shit hole states were using Facebook & Instagram apps to supply the burgeoning gig economy with employees willing to do anything for a few dollars.

Facebook and Instagram users in Alabama, Mississippi and Mossouri featured hashtags suggesting American wage earners were being bought and sold by companies like DoorDash, Uber, and Pornhub for far less than minimum wage, with top tags including #CatchEmCheap, #YoursForLife, #PayEmPeanuts, & #ElephantsRule.

Women were also being trafficked, particularly among Repugnicunt businessmen and lawmakers who like their pussy young, awestruck, and flexible. Girls could be purchased for as little as the cost of a four-course meal of friend chicken and burgers at Mar A Lago.

Now the companies have been drawn into Repugnicunt attempts to roll back 250 years of civil rights advances & make the Confederacy great again, although unnamed spokesdroids for the firms expressed shock and dismay that “so many otherwise fine upstanding young people have apparently been exposed to toxic critical race theory despite our efforts to keep it our of our Christian schools .” 

Officials at Park Hill South High School declined comment on this story, referring reporters to the local Krimson Knights Of Kolumbus Social & Athletic Club, sponsors of most of the junior and high school teams in the Kansas City metropolitan area.

“We can’t talk about specifics,” said  K. Y. Maganinny, KKK Kommunications Direktor, in an urgent press release. “We’re in education, with very fine people on both sides of the slavery issue. We just wanted to make sure we responded in a timely manner on an appropriate forum to let our base know that we don’t tolerate these distractions or embarrassments. We are outraged, hurt, and saddened that this alternative civics extracurricular activity has come to light.

“We’ve set aside 3% of our remaining school year to find common ground among those whose passionate intensity occasionally spills over into ecstatic bursts of gunfire celebrating what it means to be an American and those who refuse to stand for the National Anthem on game days.

"On the other hand, this clearly proves that our approach to tackling critical race theory is working. We remain committed to creating an exclusive, competitive environment where every athlete feels like they belong & are being used to the best of our ability.

“It is very unfortunate this situation has become public, but we want to use this to better explain the benefits of supply-side plantation economics to a new generation of rebellious youth who can barely remember Jim Crow, much less the War of Northern Aggression. 

"We hope to become even more exclusive, to become a more welcoming environment for our families and our students to all experience a true and genuine sense of belonging to our great heritage without getting in the weeds of socialist engineering.

“If there’s a good side to all this, Americans all over the planet will agree that we cannot address things without knowing that they’re there. Now we knkow about this, so it is now one of the known knowns, but we should remember the words of former Depends Secretary Donald McRumsfeld, who famously stressed the importance of expressing a meaningless thought in as many ways as humanly possible.

“Go Panthers!”

Sooner  | OR |  Later