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A Few Words To The Wise Asses

Ashli Madison Cawthorn Gets Knickers In A Twist

8/31/21

Holden Helms On Wheels Jr Promises Bloodshed Unless He Gets His WaY

Rallying a clusterfuck of KuklaM*A*S*H Turdwaffle supporters to an incel froth at the Lickskillet Speedway this weekend, North Carolina’s junior insurrectionist urged the crowd to “cash in those Dixie Cups we’ve all been saving since the war of Northern aggression & invest the profits in your Second Amendment right to contest unfair rigged elections that mocked our great heritage.”

Touting his fabricated history of having lost use of his legs in defense of freedumbocracy, Cawthorn insisted that “what God wants, God gets, & what God wants right now is to restore our great Southern economic miracle that the socialists and liberals took from us first by force and last November by theft. Well, we’re not going to take this sitting down,” the alternative charismatic Nazi told supporters, suddenly leaping into the air and screaming: “I have been healed!”

He then tossed his wheelchair into the crowd, saying: “And I will tell you, as much as I am willing to defend our liberty at all costs, there’s nothing that I would love doing more than having to pick up my AR15 and use it against a misguided American. And the way that we can have recourse against the socialist evil is if we all passionately demand that we have election security in all 50 states to ensure that our voices can be heard without mockery.”

Cawthorn finally whipped out his Glock from his crotch holster and fired off a clip, leading the raucous crowd in a chant of “Shoot Them All!”

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