But It Really Would Be A Shame Should Something Happen To ThEse Traitors
Beleaguered former twice-impeached unindicted co-conspirator Donald J. Turdwaffle continued to provoke the nation’s media into excusing his crimes as “unhinged acts of an unhinged Individual 1” by asking his supporters during the Orlando stop on the MAGA History Tour with Bill “You’re In My Good Hands” O’Reilly “Is there is no one to rid me of these pathetic pussies?”
Turdwaffle is facing challenges on multiple fronts as his Q-Anon claims of an imminent reinstatement seem to give way to an avalanche of newly revealed evidence of criminal wrongdoing, defecting allies, derisive laughter even in supposed friendly venues, and unfavorable court rulings that threaten to bore American democracy to death.
Having failed miserably at trying to make his failed coup early this year look like a celebration marred by the actions of an unruly crowd of Kenny G fans with a Constitution fetish, the former Superspreader In Chief has now embraced the notion that the January 6 “insurrection auote coup quote as they may call it” may not yet be fully extinguished, prompting the Defense Department to suddenly redeploy three Army battalions from Australia to protect former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows (R-Word, NC) until he can be deposed or imprisoned for contempt of Congress.
Reached for comment on the situation, someone who sounded like someone pretending not to be the former president said: “That’s all fake news. If I, I mean, if he, if he wanted this Meadows fellow tits up, he’d do it himself. That’s off the record.”